#677

I dreamed I was in a car last night with someone I didn’t like 
And someone who doesn’t like me. 
When I first saw her I thought she was cute. 
When I first saw her i approached her. 
In the dream I was in someone’s house and there were kids 
And candy and candy wrappers everywhere all over the floor.
I picked up at jolly rancher and ate it 
And it was so better than real life as only dream food can be.
Then Beth had to pick something up
And asked me to go with her since I needed to drop something off,
It only seemed logical to go together. 
So we went and I put my keys in my car,
My hat too and some candy I had picked up off the floor;
A flavored sugary syrup boiled into a hard red heart
And lined with white.
Then I got in with her and we drove
Up the side of the highway until we came to an officer’s gap.
She took it at 60 and swung into a high-speed U-ee. 
I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt and the window was open. 
I flew. 
But this was dream-time and I wasn’t hurt
So I stood up and got back into the car. 

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There was more, both before and after, but the part that mattered…that was the part that mattered. It was tense and strange and stressful all the way through, but upon waking I was regretful. Even my nightmares are better than being awake…they’re terrible, true, but they call to me and I belong there and they belong to me, too. I want to understand them better, I want to know the dream-beth more, maybe fix the mistakes I made before, maybe take a different path that I could never take in real life. Or in a nightmare I have a chance to be the hero that I’m not and will never be. If not that, at least the martyr who dies a dramatic death. I would be satisfied with that. That was always my second choice.

And of course I’d love to be in my best dreams. Who wouldn’t want that? 

You know, I’ve had release from life too, but only when it’s me tricking myself. I’ve felt satisfied with life, but that always takes lies, turning a blind eye. In my dreams it’s real in a way that reality can never match. It’s no wonder I prefer my dreams to life. It’s no wonder I’d rather I fell asleep and never woke up….ever.