Blog #90

I still feel sick and my cough is getting worse…my throat now feel like it’s somewhat torn up now fairly constantly. It’s been around at least 4 or 5 days now…just a cough and a headache. I’ll probably be ok, but I wonder what it could be…it’s not anything normal I don’t think. I never get sick for this long. Oh well, may be something new. Probably I just got lucky before as far as being able to throw off sickness quickly. Maybe I need to wake up more and wash it off mentally, too. I’ve been somewhat lax lately.

Jacinta and I are talking again. I remember when it happened. I was playing WoW. When I play I get a weird kinda-sorta- glimpse of the e-mail popup window. I saw it and I thought I recognized her name. My heart skipped a beat. No, it didn’t skip a beat, it stopped for a short extended period of time. I thought no, it couldn’t be. I told my group brb and I checked. It was. My heart skipped a beat again. I almost didn’t want to open it…I was worried about what she might have to say. But she just told me a little bit about where she was and….I don’t know…it really made me happy. I was really worried….I don’t know exactly what about but I was really bothered all that time. It was….likea breath of fresh air, a relief from the stress. We’re talking again and I feel pretty good lately despite my current physical problems with my throat. It’s just…I don’t know why it’s such a big deal to me at this point, I mean it’s not like I’m expecting anything of the relationship at this point but…I guess deep down I still know there’s something important about the two of us. That’s probably it. It’s not about my getting anything out of it or even about us at all, per se. It’s about the relationship and the thing we have together. That’s important. *nods* I really do believe that, too….so I’m very very pleased we’re talking again. It’s like a weight off my back. And in addition to that, I absolutely adore her company too, so that’s like a big added bonus. Hooray. Lots of things have been going right lately, actually….there’s that, I gave blood even though needles bother me so much and….yeah. Lots of good things.

I also finished reading all of the sandman. It was INCREDIBLE too. I need to give it to more people, let em read em. I’m going to try to memorize the stories too….not just the sandman, but I’m going to go back and try to recall the ones I learned as a kid about the chippewa too. And others. I think….that I like being a storyteller. I love reading….it’s such a good thing that I started up again. I’m sharper doing it…more focused on things that matter and less swept up in doldrums. It’s inspiring….it’s encouraging and it’s challenging. It makes me think….pushes me to try and understand others more….it’s such a positive thing. I’m glad I am reading again. It’s been playing a big part in picking me up out of the daze, you see. I should’ve been reading that whole time. It would’ve been a much-needed respite from the mechanical motions, if nothing else. But it’s been encouraging me to look deeper and to see more. I’m going to reread them soon. I know I didn’t pick up as much as I could have, as much as I should have. Even if it WAS helping to help pick my spirit back up, I was still dulled at the time…still am to an extent, too. But I’m coming back. I’ve been coming back, bit by bit, for about a week now.

I think I’m happy with the current change of events, despite the bad things. The bad things being troubles with cingular and with my student loan. Hopefully all of that will be cleared up by tomorrow.