Blog #71

Eww. Another annoying morning. I think I’ve gotten used to just having mornings totally full of lack. Lack of emotion, lack of motivation and lack of positivity. I always seem to move past them and back into the mindset I’ve decided I should be having instead. It doesn’t usually take very long either. A half hour perhaps. Maybe an hour. But it never keeps me down it seems. As soon as I get to class (or just to someone else on the street) it dissipates and I’m no longer forcing the laugh and the smile. I really have been caring for others and I really do feel I’ve been connecting with them. I did with the gas station clerk talking a little bit about the shooter at virginia tech. While I definately have my own viewpoints on him which I’ll eventually expound upon here, he talked to me about what he felt and that was really worthwhile to me. Same with the lab instructors for audiotronics. All sorts of quality there, too. It’s been amusing, honestly. He acts like I’m the most competant guy in the world nowadays. See, we’re split into 4 lab groups each with a lab instructor and in those groups 3 sides of a table (the fourth being the instructors side) with 3 people apiece. When I want to, I can solder really really quickly, far quicker than everyone else and get out of there. He’s seen that. He’s also seen me bust out the wall street journal in the middle of class during an exercise. See, they give us something to do and wait til everyone’s done. I read my newspaper after our side (by far the most competant side at electronics so we move REALLY fast, close to triple the speed of one side and double the speed of the other) finished. That was pretty funny as hell, actually. He looked at me, grabbed another lab instructor and said something about it. “Check it out, he’s sitting in lab and he’s able to just whip out the wall street journal. I’m impressed.” And then he was talking about getting a picture of it and then he noticed I noticed and he said “Go ahead man, I have every confidence in someone who can bust out the wall street journal in an audiotronics lab.” I guess it’s not as funny on here, but it was absolutely hilarious in class. I think it’s going to be a running joke now for them. It keeps coming back up. 😛 That’s quality too. Same with my instructor for audiotronics. I challenged him earlier with a really complicated question and he didn’t know the answer. So not only did he not BS with me like some might have, he said he didn’t know. And then he got back to me (using my name, which is also big in a class of 80 people in less than 7 days of working with us) with the answer in all of it’s technical glory. That’s quality as well. Lots of quality in my life, I think.

So really the mornings don’t matter that much. I usually don’t even pay much attention to them. I feel them, I emote slightly to them, but they don’t touch my mood in the long run. They’re like the ‘accepted’ time of being grumpy and down. Though I don’t think I’m too grumpy or down per se. It’s like my natural state after waking up while being groggy. As I wake up, even without others around me, I cheer up naturally.

At any rate, this morning has been yet another annoying one. I’m in a good mood by now, though. Yay. I’m tempted to get dressed and leave early; I kinda want to pick up another newspaper. I’ve been reading random newspapers lately, just grabbing one from the gas station and bringing it to class or to lab and reading in between when I can catch time between classes or activities or breaks. It’s nice, actually. I helps me to feel more in touch with people around me (just a feeling though, perhaps) and to truthfully keep more in touch with what’s going on around the world, however skewed the presentation might be. I think I’ve missed reading. That’s one thirst that I can definately slake and have been. It’s a good thing; I’ve needed to keep up on my reading and I’m starting to again. Yay. More quality.

Strange that quality should be a part of my life more than ever before at this point, a point where I’ve been struggling a whole lot with keeping myself in the right way and on the right path. Not just that, but doing it alone. Quality is all around me, though, even in times as tough as the ones have been (at least for me) right now. Tis a good thing, I hope things keep moving this way.

You know, I think there’s a chance I’m more positive than Jacinta is nowadays. Ha, I bet I really DO pwn her at that. *grin*