Blog #61

Tonite was probably one of the worst sleeps I’ve ever had. It was worse than just not sleeping, that’s not that bad, I used to not sleep at all all the time. Last night it felt like I kept getting bit up by something over my legs. I have red marks all over my legs now too. So I think I must’ve had a spider or something in my bed that didn’t like me much. I have this weird feeling in my throat too, this weird achey pain like my void is really really sore even though I know it’s not. It hurts to breathe in some ways too. Then I have that headache you get when you haven’t slept enough and I’m all groggy and this morning is pretty terrible. The thing of it is that none of these things are all that bad, but together they’re horrid. It’s times like these that it’s hard to feel positive and to keep that way. I’ m doing ok though.

I’m starting to feel better already, though, now that I’m up. I’m throwing off the headache and grogginess naturally. I know that once I start moving I’m going to forget about the bites, my throat and the rest of the headache even though it’s bothering me right now. I’ll just start focusing on other things and they’ll fade away; I know how I work. So all is not lost, not yet. Today will still be a good day.

I’ve been thinking about this since last night: I remember when Jacinta told me she wasn’t going to speak all day because of gay rights. The vow of silence I think. I was wondering what it’d be like to not speak with or communicate to people in any way some day. I might do it today. I won’t talk in IM, in e-mail, in tells or with my voice or with writing or anything. Just to see how people react. I think this is alright, though. Writing here is alright because it’s not really a communication to anyone seeing as how not many people seem to read it anyway, haha. I know Jacinta does once in a while but I rarely get notes unless I note first, so I think there must not be many reading it. So I think I’m going to see if I remember to be silent today. I think I’m going to try. Not as a protest for gay rights, but just for myself. Silence can be ever-so-beautiful in it’s own way too. So yeah, the idea just appeals to me. Lots of reasons, but I don’t want to get into them. So I’m going to try. Today should be an interesting day. I’ll probably mess it up and talk though. Heh. We’ll see.

I’m hoping today will be a good day. The morning isn’t THAT important, I can still have a good day. ;] Maybe a really really good day if the silence thing works out.