#98

I stretched out on my bed and looked up at the ceiling. The shapes were comfortable, the same, but as I began to look around the room I realized just how empty the room seemed. It suited. If one’s own refuge doesn’t reflect one’s self, then what does? And what am I now but empty? I have many things to look at, many aspects of myself and of my own to see, but there just seems to be something missing. Something that just isn’t apparent.

I closed my eyes and let out a breath. I know exactly what I felt was missing. Love. My room is missing love. It’s not any physical thing, it’s something intangible and it wasn’t emanating from me, nor from the room’s loveless walls. I took another breath and let it out slowly. Then, without thinking, I began to whisper in a language I barely even understand in words that somehow held the key and the meaning. Words that somehow held the answer.

“Mi ze kore lach halailach….mi shar bakol elaich….mi sam nafsho shetehi me’usheret…”

And then I opened my eyes and I was somewhere else. I was in a field, a great grass field that stretched as far as I could see under the night sky. The grass was blowing and shifting in a gentle breeze under the midnight’s moon light. I looked up and it seemed that the great white entity in the sky seemed to melt and drip for a second and that there was a great stream of shards of white light falling to the earth. As I followed them and looked down, I saw again the grass about me, felt the wind blowing over my body and through my hair, and then I saw, too, the flicking lights of the fireflies as they arced through the air. I reached out for one and one landed, as it had before, on the side of my hand. It moved slightly, fluttered it’s wings and glowed again. I looked at the glow and felt the meaning and the significance and I smiled softly. I understood. Then, as if it’s mission was complete, it fluttered it’s wings and flew away. As I watched it fly up my eyes registered something I hadn’t noticed before. I froze It was Her. It was not anyone I had seen before, I didn’t not recognize the physical form, but I recognized who She was. What She was. It was Her. I let my arm down slowly and watched her. After a moment of silence She took a step towards me, smiled, and extended Her arms. I smiled back and walked to Her and pulled Her close and hugged Her.

“I’ve missed you…”

“I’ve missed you too.”

She cut me off before I could say anything else with a nuzzle. I nuzzled back,; I hadn’t realized how much I had missed the contact. She gently bit my lower lip and then kissed me and I returned. Then, drawing apart from each other slightly, but without letting each other go, she smiled at me and said…

“Me.”

Which didn’t register. I looked at her, confused, began to ask, but the vision began to whirl and twist. I opened my eyes with a sharp intake of breath. The things I am beginning to see now make less and less sense, but are starting to become more and more powerful. I wonder what they mean…what my future holds. Where will I be? What am I supposed to be doing? What are the things I see, feel, and believe supposed to be saying? I don’t understand…

Me. What about you? I just don’t understand. I just know that the more I feel, the more I see, the more I long for her. The more I realize that what has happened between us is something bigger, something more significant than just merely an everyday relationship, an everyday melting of two beings into one coherant being and coherant whole. While those things are amazing, incredible and exceedingly meaningful in their own right, what we are is something much much more. This state, this place of being, it isn’t new to us. And we both know, deep down, that we need to be together. Her and I, me and Her. We. Us. Really, without the other there is none. We only exist because of each other. I’ll find her. We’ll complete our task, our deed, our Harmony. It simply must be.