Blog #22

Interesting stuffs lately. Had some more tentative contact with Jacinta. I kinda hope she realizes what I’m trying to do at this point…that I’m not in any way changed in my viewpoint towards her…that was just anger speaking when we were tiffing just before. Anger about not being trusted when I said “I just want you to be happy.” Anger that we’re still split apart so deeply despite having the capability to be so much closer than most people ever become. Anger at being lonely. Anger at just the situation in general. I think I was justified in being angry too. It’s not a good situation. But at any rate…it’s not how I really felt, not at all. It wasn’t then and it isn’t now. I just want things to be ok. That’s all. I don’t really want this silence between us. Even though it might actually help both of us along. Meh, though the more and more I think about it, the less and less I believe her current viewpoint. At least, not as the way she seems to view it. She thinks we can be happy with other people. And you know what? She’s right. We both could very well be happy with other people. Fufilled even. But I disagree with the idea that it’s going to be just as good (or better) than us. I’ve been in enough relationships to know that we had something immensely, intensely special. It’s not something that’s going to be replicated OR surpassed. Anything that anyone else can do, she and I can do to a greater extent. And deep down I think that the chance for us to get back together is very, very real, whether or not she thinks it’s even a possibility. There’s just too much there; too much around the situation for it to be something just so simple as ‘done with now.’ In the future….right now I think there’s a strong possibility that it’ll happen. Whether or not either of us actually want to or push in that direction. There’s other forces to it and when you look you can tell. I doubt they’re going to give up just because of something as small as circumstances. That’s what I think.

Argh, I’ll write more later. I had more to say.