#49

I understand more completely what’s been bothering me lately. It’s very simple…considering recent impressions and also my recent states of mind…I’m reaching out too quickly and I’m losing some of my logical rigor. I was considering myself and why I was so ambivalent over the reincarnation and past lives issues….and it came to me in a flash and I suddenly understood why. To quote pi….

“Hold on. You have to slow down. You’re losing it. You have to take a breath. Listen to yourself. You’re connecting a computer bug I had with a computer bug you might have had and some religious hogwash. You want to find the number 216 in the world, you will be able to find it everywhere. 216 steps from a mere street corner to your front door. 216 seconds you spend riding on the elevator. When your mind becomes obsessed with anything, you will filter everything else out and find that thing everywhere. As soon as you discard scientific rigor, you’re no longer a mathematician, you’re a numerologist.”

That’s almost exactly what it is…I’m letting my desires and wants have free reign over myself. If that’s really what it is, I’ll continue to find evidences for that. I refuse to think that God and creation is illogical; look around you. There are patterns, there are commonalities, there are connecting factors everywhere. The evidence is there. There is no question of that. However I can’t just start applying those to the things that I feel so quickly. I need to be sure, absolutely positively sure, because as soon as I start looking for the things I want to see I’m going to start finding them, even if the instances are trivial or if they apply elsewhere. That’s what’s bothering me; I’m moving too fast and I momentarily shifted from believer (for lack of a better word, that’s not really the word I want to use here…I’m not a ‘believer’ in the normal sense of the word by any stretch) to a follower. Followers are ignorant, they hold the same things to be true and they look for the same things but they lack disciple; they lack logic and they lack a level head because they WANT to see the things there….and so they do. I can’t do that because to do that would be to cheat myself and also those around me whom I’ve talking about these things with. To be true to this…this…lets use the word ideal, albeit it’s not really the word I’m looking for…to be true to this ideal I have to continue chipping away at the problem truthfully and logically. On some subconcious level I had to have realized that I was leaping into this new world of thought without my normal, natural logic. I’m glad I realized this…for now, armed with that information, I can continue to chip away at these possibilities and continue to look for what the essences of it all are. The continuity is there; it’s up to me to find it and to play connect the dots when you’re connecting trillions of them. Maybe I’ll never really get there and honestly I don’t think I will. But I WILL try. I’ll most likely discover new things this way as well. My path is clear.

It’s good to be able to pinpoint the root of your ambivalence. It’s a very good feeling too, to recognize that hey, your body is rigged in such a way that it tells you when something is wrong so you can adjust to it. I absolutely love that…when there’s something wrong with me my body tells me so. When there’s something wrong spiritually, my emotions tell me so. By my ambivalence I realize I am fucking up. It’s really nice. I wonder if other people are wired that way, too? Perhaps it’s part of the human condition…if people took more time to think about their emotions and their feelings and what their body, what their souls are telling them then they’d be better off. If you realize the problem, don’t you try to fix it? Tis the best way. Actually, thinking more deeply about it….people very very often don’t listen to themselves…too often people let society and others (who are usually just as bad, or more often, even worse) than they are….then it just warps and warps into a bad situation. There’s good in everyone though, somewhere…strength and will and beauty in everyone. Perhaps it’s just latent because few people realize themselves…hrm. But that’s a thought for another day. Good chance I’ll eventually write about it, actually…it’s a very thought-provoking topic.

But back on topic. What have I found, what do I know?

1. From evidences around us, there is a creative force. This force may be God or it may be just a force. Either way, in many ways this force is so similar to the concept of God that it’s hard for me to give it any other name but God. Whether or not it’s sentient or if it just naturally works in certain ways is beyond me and probably always will be. But it’s there, of that there is no doubt.
2. This creative force is what makes the universe what it is, the way it is.
3. There is a part of us that doesn’t appear to be part of the body, despite a great many tests and much scientific searching. This part of us is our conciousness. For lack of a better term, we will call this our soul or our spirit.

4. Matter cannot be created nor destroyed, only transformed. Therefore…
5. The spirit cannot be created nor destroyed. It can only be transformed.

And that brings us to where I am now. I’m currently considering a great many theories which aren’t ‘certain’ beliefs, though I naturally want to believe them. Because of that want, I’m looking deeper into them, scientifically rather than emotionally so that if there really is something there, then I’ll find it.

6. The spirit’s creative force which is embodied by our conciousness does not die. It is changed from the force that binds it to the body and goes back into a sort of loop because of the nature of creative force (which is to create). Then it loops back into something new and is re-created, albeit in different ways because of the new environmental situation and circumstances and because of past actions and experiences of the conciousness itself. Because of past situations and past states of being the spirit reacts in different ways (much like a pavlov’s dog did after being conditioned).

There is a lot not understood about this effect and the theory. At this point I believe it be cause it makes logical sense, but there is a LOT that might be going on during it. Perhaps the spirit is under a set of directions, perhaps it is naturally concious of itself and that conciousness directs it to do certain things. Perhaps we just don’t have a memory (as memory is associated with the brain) function for when we are displaced as a stand-alone spirit and thus we don’t recognize or remember those times in our lives. Also, perhaps it’s the spirit that fills our collective unconcious and not our ancestry with it’s own bank of memory. A bank of memory which is transcendant of the body and that we are unable to commonly access because it’s not something we realize how to access (because it’s part of our spirit and not so much our body). This explains how and why collective unconciousness and possibly past life memories as well. We can’t access them because the spirits bank of memory works differently. It can only handle a very very limited amount of information so it only remembers pieces of the most important memories to us as a person (strong, strong loves for example) and then implants those limited parts. While it does the

se most important of memories, it also implants important information we need to remember as people too. For example, how to react to a bear attack or to an attacking dog. People do not think about how they react, they just react. Maybe we react the way we do because our spirit implants the memories of this information and maybe experiences with these sorts of things and then when it happens it’s called upon and then we instictively react in the previously learned way. Thinking in this way is logical…it explains many things that are otherwise unexplained. It offers an alternate explanation of our collective unconciousness that also covers memories we have no right remembering (logically in the normal way) that is logical and simple enough to be plausible. It also offers a possible explanation for powerful religious experiences as well, as well as the persistant belief of man in a God or Gods. As far as the persistant searching for God and the persistant belief in God, the spirit remembers this information from when it’s off on it’s own without a body (or from it’s ‘birth’ from God) and implants them as well in the unconcious and then, when triggered by an appropiate situation, it kicks them into the conciousness. Thus the persistant belief in God or Gods in cultures so utterly different and distanced from all the other cultures in the world. To explain multiple gods is simple; the logical searching for a God by mankind skews the initial memory of an ultimate God and then they add to it because they think it is necessary or right. However if you look at the world cultures, there is, all of the time for the religions I know, though there may be one I’m not familiar with, one god above all the rest who is the ultimate of them all. This is the original memory and the original God. Everything else is an addition brought on by people trying to logically put things together. As for religious experiences, it could simple be a memory of God himself literally speaking to you that comes up when you need to hear it. As a memory it’s implanted and then it’s recalled when it needs to be. Religious experiences could be explained another way as well, though. The spirit is part of God and of creation and because of this it’s always linked to God and creation. Even tied to a body a spirit could be capable of communing with everything else in the world if you go about it in the right way. Thus, religious experiences and religious visions. If you look at things in this way you can also effectively start a framework with which to begin looking at mind ‘diseases’ like schizophrenia and MP by looking at the nature of conciousness and of reality itself.

However, despite this being a very plausible and logical reasoning (at least in my opinion. I may not have explained this as well as I could have, but I really have thought this out, so if you have any questions, please ask them and I’ll try to clarify), there are definately other potential answers as well at there that are ALSO plausible and logical. Therefore I cannot be adamant on this as I can be about the first five points. It is only a theory at this point.

7. Fate. Assuming reincarnation and knowing that the universe is logical and understandable and that there are patterns in everything, then we can safely assume that our spirits have patterns as well. Our spirits might be wired in a certain way so that they do similar things in each of their lives, albeit each being different because of fresh experiences with more recent lives. It is important to differentiate fate with ‘how things must be’ with ‘how things naturally happen because it is the organisms natural instinct to react in this way.’ If we look at things as the latter, then we can see how a spirit instinctively reacts in the similar ways over and over and how THAT is our fate….our fate is to react in those ways because it is what we naturally are programmed or built to do, just like how electricity naturally prefers copper as a conductor to wood.

With this framework in place, all sorts of wild ideas become possible. Fated love, for instance, as well as fated tragedy and fated destruction and fated creation. This is a huge, huge topic so I’ll explain briefly. If people are naturally inclined to certain things (each of these things being different and very individual; it’s common knowledge that everyone is different in some way shape or form) then the world is naturally inclined to happen and work in a very certain way. If the world works in a very certain way, then certain situations are naturally going to develop. If those natural situations are develop, then those situations will naturally influence people in certain directions. If the people react in their natural way to these naturally occuring influences and situations, then like-minded people will gravitate to areas where they’re very likely to meet other people who are like them. (for example, people naturally interested in humanity will do humanity-orientated things and thus meet other people with that mindset. People who are naturally interested in having fun will naturally meet and hang out with other people who like those things.) If people naturally gravititate to these places, then people naturally meet similar people. If they naturally meet similar people, the chances of them meeting someone who is similar to them who has already gravitated towards them in a past life go up DRASTICALLY. If someone naturally meets someone they already knew in a past life because of this effect, then the two will naturally fit in with each other again because of past experiences with the person, even if they never met them before in this life. When this happens, the experiences and familiarity with the person increase even more and the feelings for the person are reinforced as are the things situated around the person (Humanity-oriented activities again, as an example. True partners in this way will share a common goal, in this case helping other people, and they’ll both push for it because it both matters to them and thus the goal is reinforced at the same time as the feelings for the person.). As these feelings are reinforced, it reinforces the spirit for when the next life comes. As the spirit is reinforced, it’s far more likely to seek out those activities again and pursue them again and, as this happens with both partners (because they both pursue the activities with more fervor and passion because of a lot of reinforcement for them), the chances of them meeting that person again go up drastically. If they meet again (or perhaps when, because like-minded people inevitably will come together int he future at some time or another, maybe 1 lifetime, maybe a space of 20 lifetimes or 200, but eventually) then their feelings are reinforced again. And then it happens again. And again. And thus ‘fate’ happens. The past reinforcement of the relationship with the person as well as the things associated with that person that drew them together are reinforced and thus they find each other loving the same person over and over and over again as well as pushing more and more and more for the same common goals that brought the two together in the first place. Thus, fate. Of course it’s good to note that not always is this a good thing, nor is it always about love. It’s far more complex than that; it’s not just one situation; it’s literally millions of them with everyone you meet.These people aren’t always lo

vers; it could just be a good friend or a comrade of sorts. Or it could be a staunch enemy. It’s most powerful when it concerns the people who matter most to you, though. It’s easy to see, though, that, in this way, fate is developed and perpetuated starting (and thus learned and then remembered) from our very beginning.

Does this mean we lack choice? No it definately does not. It merely says you’re naturally inclined in a certain way. With the choices you choose and the actions you choose to make you can make new associations and new memories and, in time, new inclinations and thus you change your own fate. People very much control their own destiny in this framework.

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Those are my five beliefs I am very sure are true as well as my two current theories regarding the logical implications of those five beliefs. Granted, they might not be right, but they are somewhere to start. Also, to restate myself, it’s good to pull myself back from just leaping into it and saying ‘I belive in reincarnation and fate’ and to reality check myself and look for the logic and, more importantly, the facts backing the logic and THEN believing rather than just believing because I want to believe. That’s not to say I don’t feel strongly about my reincarnation and fate ideas; it just explains so much about myself and my life as well as my interactions with Jacinta. At the same time, though, I’m open to alternate explanations; I don’t really have a way to prove my theories outside of the logical problem-solving process. It’s good to pull myself back…this way I’m better equipped to pick up on reality rather than just feeling what I want to feel. I’m not saying I don’t believe the things I feel nor the things that Jacinta feels, it’s just saying I don’t understand why they work the way they do yet. That’s all. I hope to figure it out eventually, though, at this point, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to.