Blog #11

Went to class today, chatted, was late getting back because crispers (a salad joint) is terribly slow about getting you your food. I didn’t even have time to eat it I had to wait so long (and we had a half-hour break and I was 10 minutes late). Very frustrating. Then class was over and I ate my sandwich on the way home. It was good….but it wasn’t worth being late over. Annoying.

We went home and played some guitar hero and I just wrote out some things and then chilled out listening to music and surfing and playing some games. Cool cool, but then bill and I started talking. Talking about his idea for a short story. Concept is simple; a color-blind guy sees colour for the first time in the eyes of a girl and tries to find her. Kinda neat, no? He’s trying to develop it into something philosophic or perhaps sci-fi and he was looking for various ways to bring it out. We talked some and I was like…lets go outside and walk around. He said alright. Then, for some reason, I brought up stephan hawking and the theory of everything and I asked him if he minded just chilling and listening to it with me sometime because it’s VERY interesting. And it is, I suggest you download it and listen…it’s very very informative and interesting. And I explained to him some what I remembered of the good ol’ Holy Grail of Physics. And from there he talked about pi and then the bible code from that and I talked about kabbalah and how there were 3 particular passages of the Tanakh, exodus 14: 19-21 that when you align them in a particular way they spell out the 3-letter names of God and each up and down represent a letter from Tetragrammaton. And from there we talked about the kabbalah…

That’s not always a good move. You get me started on that I just start talking and talking. It really does mean a lot to me, even now. It was a stepping stone into a depth of thinking beyond where I was at intiatially. I really ought to go back to it and reread and it relearn and understand it more deeply…I’m sure there are things I’ve missed that could help me piece the puzzles of life and of love and of everything even more completely. That matters to me, somehow. I’m not entirely sure why…perhaps it’s because it helps me come to terms with being alone and without my love. Because it doesn’t matter who I am or what I do this way…because everything I feel is for everything on the earth because we’re all the same thing. Different expressions, yes, but we’re all the same thing, we all come from the same place and are of the same thing. So my beloved is her, yes, but really it’s love for myself and for everything on the earth. So maybe it’s not…well, I’ll talk about this later lest I get stuck on the subject. And I WILL get stuck on it. And it’s 5am and I already need to be sleeping. So moving on. I told him about that…and bounced the ideas off him and he seemed interested so I drew out the tree of life for him and explained it as best I could. I told him everything I could remember off the top of my head (which wasn’t much because I was tired then, too) and then i talked about some of the other conclusions and weird interpretations you can put into it and that, with this framework, make an almost intimidating sort of sense. Things like reincarnation and love and the weird pseudo-telepathic empathy I have with Jacinta. I hadn’t really talked about her to anyone for…hrm….quite a while. At least a month. Probably longer, though. I think of her EVERY day, probably more than I think about anything else any given day, and I don’t talk about her. It’s crazy. I dunno if he believes that that sort of thing is possible…and honestly I’m not sure that I am. As I was talking about it and thinking about it….yes, because of her affirmation that I’m really not crazy in considering things I’m giving them a lot more attention than I previously would….but at the same time I’m still apphrensive. It’s not something I can logically deduce in any way that I can think of. How else can I explain it? In many ways keter and malkuth are very very closely related, perhaps that is where reincarnation comes into play and thus perpetuates everything? But what about latent memories, are those real? Or are they just randomly vivid images with no real meaning whatsoever? What about the pseudo-telepathic empathy Jacinta and I share, even now? Are we just giving it too much credit? Are we just imagining things? Argh, so many questions but I don’t really have answers let alone ways of looking for concrete evidences of those answers. I know I’m not alone, though….I know that she feels them too and sees some of the same things that I see….maybe I’m on to something. But I’m not sure what. It could have other explanations…I just need to figure them out. Why? Because knowing why and who you are…these are the most important things to life, for me. Perhaps it’s my duty, my function to constantly dig and to constantly search. So I’m going to. It’s right, my +aether tells me so; I’m not so attached to things that don’t matter. This matters and it matters that I do it. That’s what I think. That is what happened to day, and that is my revelation for the day. Take care, and Remember the Beauty.