Blog #7

I’m currently annoyed. I was cruising propeller on fullsail and I saw a debate about religion and I wrote out quote a rant somewhat defending the issue and then I somewhat attacked the people to start thinking a bit more deeply on such issues before aspiring to such strong opinions. I really think it’s high time people started judging the PEOPLE behind the times when religion is used as an reason why something terrible happens(i.e. molesting priests or the war on terror or the crusades, etc etc etc). People screw up. Do you not think that people are accountable for their actions? A belief system very much based on celebrating life and the people around you and being a good person is obviously not the sort of thing that tells you to rape a child or to start a war. That’s just someone using it as an excuse. And it’s utterly terrible that people believe it, too. The religious buy it and let it happen. The unreligious buy it and blame religion as the most evil thing in existance today and as the root of all our problems. Ugh, both sorts of people are goddamn stupid. THINK a little bit, look at the people behind these incidents…do you really THINK they’re doing things for the right reasons? Hell no they’re not. They’re just using it to control you and you’re buying it whether or not you believe in the faith. It’s absolutely asinine. Blind faith, in this sense, absolutely sickens me. Yes, there are times when you have to believe in faith and give everything to it but that is an intensely PERSONAL thing. Other people around you have absolutely nothing to do with you and your relationship with God. That’s for you and your relationship with God. Anyway, lest I rant some more, I’ll continue my story. So I was annoyed that absolutely everyone on the boards was guilty of this. Every single one except, perhaps, 2 of them (but I’m not sure of this) out of the 30-40 or so. Ugh…ignorance of that sort really bothers me. How can you hold a strong belief if you don’t think a great deal about it? Are you really satisfied with only thinking about something shallowly then accepting it as ultimate truth? Ugh. Stupidity; nothing is as simple as it seems. So that annoyed me. And then…I finished my rant and then I lost it. It was like….nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Screw this ! And yeah. It annoyed me. Quite a lot actually. Honestly though it’s mostly because I got worked up by the sheer level of the ignorance shown there. I wish people would be more like me in this sense. I screw up a lot (a LOT) but I never, ever say things that I don’t believe in strongly. So strongly that I constantly think about them for hours when they come up. I spend hours examining various facets and various opinions and little intricacies until I feel I understand the overall motion and reasoning and then I make the decision as to how I stand on it. Why can’t anyone else do that? The world would be a much better place if they did, I think. I’m a much better person than I was for constantly doing this; I’m absolutely positive.

Other than that I achieved….nothing of consequence. I’ve been lazy. AND I’M ALLOWED! No work for once. Yay.

Well that’s not exactly true. I actually started looking into someone to teach me composition and songcraft…I’m hoping the one I found is going to work out. I might learn to play piano too. I’m taking the composing thing a bit more seriously than I should. : Everyone knows I’m not going to ever make it if I try to pursue a career in composing for orchestras….there’s just no way. I’m just setting myself up for a fall, haha. Oh well…it’s something new to learn if nothing else and that is always good.

You know, on a lot of levels I don’t like the days I’m alone. I’m not lonely when I’m at class all the time and am busy. But when nothing’s going on….I get so lonely. Meh. Gotta keep the faith. Maybe I should go out around midnight tomorrow and sit on the rails in the middle of the little lake we have out here. I used to relate most to fire and to the earth but lately I’ve been relating a lot more to the wind and to the water. I’m changing as a person, definately. I wonder if it’s for the better. *shakes head* I dunno. I gotta keep my feet on the path though…going out and doing that at night would be good. I can look at the reflection on the water and feel the wetness in the air and the breeze on my skin and I’ll remember what it was like. I’ll remember it all and I’ll remember what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. I won’t forget, don’t worry. I’m not sure I could if I wanted to. I just have to maintain focus. It’ll help, i’m sure…and I’ll be good for another couple days or so before I need to do something to remember again. It’s strange…I have to do it so often now…I didn’t used to. Silence and distance…they’re strange things to cope with. And to think I used to be able to operate best under those circumstances, haha. I wonder what I’m becoming…it’s definately not who I used to be. It’s more lonely, too. Mmm…