THE COMEBACK

 I FEEL INSPIRED BECAUSE I WATCHED 500 DAYS TO SUMMER MOVIE AND I LOVED IT.

COMPARING TO MY SINCE MY LAST ENTRIES I’M FINE NOW I’M MORE OPTIMISTIC AND I FEEL MORE OPENED AND RELATIVELY HAPPY.

I HAD A 2 WEEKS VECATION THE APRIL 24TH AND BEFORE 2 DAYS THE FRENCH TEACHER CALLED ME BRILLIANT BECAUSE I WROTE THIS POEM THAT WAS EXTREMELY GREAT SO I FELT SO HAPPY AND I FELT THAT I DID SOMETHING GREAT BY MY SELF WITHOUT ANY ONE’S HELP WHICH I DIDN’T FELT IT OR EXPERIENCE IT SINCE A LONG TIME.

I STARTED MY MATHS AND PHYSICS EXTRA HOURS IN A NEW PLACE AND IT WAS GREAT,THOSE TWO TEACHERS ARE SO GOOD,ACTUALLY THE PHYSICS TEACHER CARE ABOUT ME LIKE HE ASKED ME IF I UNDERSTAND AND WHICH LESSONS I NEED HELP IN,HE EVEN ADVICED ME TO REPEAT WHAT WE’RE DOING,I’M HAPPY THAT SOMEONE TOOK THE TIME TO TALK TO ME AND MAKE ME FEEL THAT THERE IS SOMEONE CARES ABOUT ME,THAT NOT EVERY ONE LOOKS ONLY TO EVERYONE BESIDES ME.

TODAY ACTUALLY HE CALLED ME BY MY NAME WHICH WAS COOL BECAUSE I KNEW THAT MY NAME IS HEARD TO REMEMBER AND IT TOOK HIM AWHILE BUT NOW HE KNOWS IT.I’M JUST TRYING TO DO MY BEST TO NOT LET HIM DOWN AND TO PROVE TO HIM THAT I DESERVE BEEN TREATED RIGHT BUT I’M STILL STRUGLING WITH THE FACT THAT I CAN’T CONTROL MY SELF A LOT,LIKE WHEN I’M SUPPOSED TO REVISE I WATCH TV OR DO NOTHING,LIKE I WASTE A LOT A LOT OF TIME.

THERE IS THIS INCIDENT THAT HAPPEND TO ME ONE  EVENING,I WAS COMING BACK FROM THE EXTRA HOURS AND THAN THIS GUY STOPPED ME,IN THE BIGINNING I THOUGH HE WANTED TO ASK ME ABOUT DIRECTIONS BECAUSE PEOPLE THOSE DAYS LOVE TO DO THAT AND I ALWAYS LEAD THEM TO THE WRONG WAY,NOT THAT I DO IT IN PURPSE BUT I JUST HATE TO SAY I DON’T KNOW,ANY WAY,LET’S GO BACK TO OUR SUBJECT,HE TOLD ME "CAN I PLEASE TALK TO YOU"I SAID YES AND THAN HE ASKED ME ABOUT WHERE I AM FROM AND MY NAME AND WHERE I STUDY THAN HE ASKED ME IF I KNOW WHY HE STOPPED ME.I TOLD HIM NO THAN HE TOLD ME THAT HE SAW LIGHT IN MY FACE SO HE WANTED TO KNOW ME BETTER(YES WHAT EVER MY FACE WAS NEVER WORSE THAN IT WAS THAT DAY)THAN HE ASKED ME FOR MY PHONE NUMBER I TOLD HIM THAT I DON’T HAVE IT SO HE THOUGH I’M LYING BUT I’M NOT I REALLY DON’T HAVE IT, SO, HE MADE PROMESS HIM THAT I’LL HAVE ONE AND HE GAVE ME HIS PHONE NUMBER AND ASKED ME TO SEND HIM A MESSAGE.THAN HE LET ME GO FINALLY.OF COURSE I DIDN’T CALL HIM I ACTUALLY BURNT THE PAPER WHERE I WROTE THE NUMBER AND THROW THE ACHES.

FIRST OF ALL,I DON’T NEED TO SAY HOW MUCH THIS EXPERIENCE WAS SCARY?I MEAN WHAT KIND OF HUMAIN BEING WOULD STOP A GIRL FOR HER PHONE NUMBER TELLING HER SOME BULLSHIT ABOUT SOME LIGHT COMING OUT OF HER FACE?SERIOUSELY MAN?I WAS SHAKING AND I WAS LOOKING IF HE WAS FOLLOWING ME OR NOT.GOD!!

I GOT THIS MAIL FROM BUZZFEEF MAGASINE OR I GUESS LADIES SOMETHING MAGASINE WHERE THEY TOLD ME THAT IF I WROTE A GREAT STORY ABOUT HAPPINESS THEY WILL PAY FOR ME.ISN’T GREAT?THE PROBLEM THAT I DIDN’T WROTE ANY THING BECAUSE I’M NOT TALENTED IN WRITING ABOUT HAPPINESS,MAYBE SADNESS AND MISERY PLUS I FEEL LIKE I CAN’T FIND THE RIGHT WORDS AND THE GREAT ONES.I THINK IF YOUR WRITING IS NOT COMING FROM HONEST FEELING IT’S EASY TO SEE THAT IT’S FAKE.AND I CAN’T FIND THAT HONESTY AND PURETE IN MY WRITING ANY MORE IT’S GONE,MAYBE IT’S REALATED WITH THE FACT THAT I LOOSE HOPE THE SECOND I DON’T LIKE WHAT I’M WRITING OR BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I’M FORCED TO WRITE JUST BACAUSE I WANT TO BE THE GIRL I USED TO BE WHEN I WAS A CHILD.PLUS I DON’T READ ANY THING AT ALL AND THAT FOR SURE IS ANOTHER FACTOR THAT EFFECTING MY WRITING.

THE NEWS OF THE DAY:FRENCH ELECTIONS SARCOZY DOWN AND HOLLAND AS THE NEW PRESIDENT OF FRANCE I HOPE HE’S  GOING TO BE BETTER THAN NICOLAS BECAUSE I REALLY HATEED HIM AND HIS POLICY.I MEAN IN THE TIME WHILE FRANCE WAS IN A CRISE HE WAS BUSY SPENDING MONEY TO SAND HIS MILITTARY POWERS TO LIBIYA OR MAKING LAWS THAT FORBIDDEN FOR MUSLIMS WOMEN TOWEAR "NIKAB" AND IN HIS FREE TIME HAVING SEX WITH HIS  MODEL WIFE.WHAT A PRESEDENT!

WELL THAT’S ALL FOR NOW EVEN THAT I’M SURE IT’S ALREAY A LOT BUT YOU CAN’T BLAME ME.