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I feel like I’m desperately looking for love in the wrong directions and now I am starting to hate myself or hate what I am going through inside.  When you wanna go against the current but realize that it might throw you off or drown you, so you decide just go along with it. Although you know, deep inside that you’re not heading to the place you wanted to be.  You’re just playing along. Let it take you wherever it ends.  But then you have to stop and pull yourself together.

I went to an out-of-town trip this weekend, met a guy, made out and then he said he has a girlfriend.  I swear I felt like shit. I tried to contain my emotions because I never liked the words that comes out my mouth when I’m mad.  I mean, why didn’t he just tell me he’s got a girlfriend right away? Well, I wasn’t expecting anything and I’m not the one who easily gets attached.  But one thing I hate most is cheating.  So while I was walking my way back to my hotel, I called a friend and he’s the one who heard all the swearing.  I should have just said it to that jerk, but nah.  I don’t wanna be anywhere close to him.  Ugh!

I’d like to think that meeting these jerks is part of the journey in finding the right one.  But these days, I am only wishing we find each other sooner. I know there’s perfect timing for everything.  And I could still go on waiting.  I don’t know which direction he’s going.  If he’s also fighting the currents or just going along with it.  I just hope that whatever direction we take, those paths will lead us to each other.