We must ask ‘is love in love with me?’ !

Remember a while back I said that I was going to start writting my entries like the articles from sex and the city so here goes nothing.  Since I had my son peole have often assumed that his father and i were going to get married….right now, and that has me wondering am I ready for marriage.  Yeah i have a child out of wedlock, but I am 21…in the prime of my life.  All I live for is God, my son, myself and my family…noone else.  am I ready to commit my all to a man?  If things don’t work out with my son’s father do I really want my son to have two dads and two moms?  Do I want another chick, who i probably will not be able to stand, bragging about my son and showing pictures saying ‘Yeah this is my son Braylon, he does this and that, and blah, nlah, blah, blah, blah’?  Right now I could not handle the fact of another female raising my son on weekends.  I am ready for love, on somedays, but somedays I feel like I could survive being single forever.  No man to answer to……. I used to be infatuated with marriage, but now…….not so much!  I am in love with the thoughts, the logistics, the scheme of love, but is love in love with me.  I fear hurt, and rejection.  I fear ………hell i don’t know!  But more on that later on to my son….READ BELOW…..

You see my ticker?  Braylon is 5 1/2 months….my little man is so big.  He is 16.5 lbs.  What happened to the 5 lbs baby i brought home? He can hold his bottle and sit up by himself.  I can’t believe that he will be 6 months on the 21st of this month.  I am going to start writting in her everyday like I used to.  It helps me to cope with the world…a sense of calm comes over me when I write here because I can just let it out.  Don’t have to hide any emotions!  Well anyways, how is everyone?  I MISSED YOU GUYS!!  I still read, but I just get so caught up in me and Braylon that OD just becomes a chore rather than a hobby….get me?  My cousin had her little boy on Friday…he was 10 weeks early.  He weighed 1 lb 15 oz.  He had stopped growing.  He is doing good though…in NICU.  They said he will be able to come on possibly on the 28th of April. that is the weekend of the Fish Fry in Paris, TN.  Being logical, i thought that she would spend his first weekend at home with him, but nope…she has already scheduled a baby sitter…..how damn sad!?  And the baby sitter is her step dad that is hooked on cocaine!  Her mom is my Aunt that I wrote about last April, that passed away from the bleeding in her brain.  But anyways, that is her child, I  can’t tell her what to do.  I am going to Fish Fry, but Braylon will be with my mom…..someone I trust him with!

I am in a wedding tomorrow….wanna know when I found out……..Sunday night at eight o’clock.  i don’t even have a dress…yeah….