Day 2 in hell

I feel I’m gonna document every day of what is happening. I ignored him from ICQ. i feel my soul burning.

yesterday I went out with my girls. it was fun seeing them. that took me off the track for a while. i was so sleepy the whole day because of my sleepless night. I just couldn’t sleep. It was hell.
After I got home I went to bed about 6 or 7 PM and still couldn’t sleep peacefully. I woke up about 10 or 11 PM. I read some of the bible. It didn’t help control what I was feeling.

I felt anger. I felt like I was wrong and then again I was right to do this. I felt alone. No one can help me. I want him back but I don’t want him to heart me anymore so I mostly hope he doesn’t call. I hope he doesn’t suffer much for me.
And he won’t. I love him most.

tonight wasn’t peaceful at all. I was reading from the bible and I still was angry. Couldn’t sleep much. I think that the bible gave me a little bit of peace so I can rest for a while but I’m not quite sure.

I wonder what I’ll tell him when I see him again. Will I say "hi"? Will he?

I prefer not to see him because I’m not as strong as he is. I love him more.

I feel angry but I’m not so angry. I want him to be happy. I’ll just ruin his life if I’m close to him.

I thought allot of painful things to tell him and to make him suffer. I’m not good for him. I will stay away even if he wants me close. I’m almost sure he doesn’t. I ruin everything.

I feel hungry but I don’t feel like eating anything. I must so I will be strong. I have to be.