04/19/2009

"Stop! Playing with my delirium … Coz im outta my head and outa my self control."

I can’t to get that song out of my head, in amongst my delirius state i can actually see the humour in that.

I have this big empty void in my life right now, and the hardest part about it is that i dont know what im needing to fill it, and even if i knew how to, im sure it would end up being like my stomach and be what seems to be an endless bottomless pit that can never be satisfied.  There are people in my life that i so desperatley want more from that i cant seem to stop and appreciate what i do have with them, and i know that ultimately my neediness will ruin what great relationships i do have with them … i still cant seem to stop the self destructive behaviour. 
What is it with my insistant need for more, to be noticed, to be appreciated, to be wanted.  Why can’t i just be happy with how things are instead of trying to stear them in a direction that just doesnt seem to fit, and just makes me upset in the process.

I wish the driver of my heart was navigating via logic rather than emotions.