loosing my marbles

I really feel like i am loosing my mind, one minute i am perfectly happy and the next i feel like i am drowning in a pool of desire.  Up and down, Up and down .. seriously .. im gonna get sea sick.

As each day goes on, with each smile i get from her, even at times where she doesnt notice me … i just fall more and more and more into the crush that i have on her.  I think what i find so aggrivating is that … 1. i dont even know if she is gay or not (although 1 or 2 friends at work swear black and blue that she just has to be) and 2. if she is single or not … i feel like i am wasting so much time and emotions on someone that is most likely so freaking unavailable. 

The logical part of my brain is forever reassuring myself that it is what it is and no more, that it will never be more, but then we cross paths like today and i see that she is trying to get my attention to notice that she is wearing the new boots that we talked about the day before … and we smile at each other … its 20 second moments like these that throw my heart and my head in a blender set on crushville.

I just really really like her .. and i know that when we talk and she makes me smile and laugh … then my day is just that much happier ..

And when i dont get to talk and smile with her … then i miss it desperatly

I am really loosing my marbles.