you …

It’s a certain rush of familiar emotions that unsettles me …

the unexpected wakefulness at 2 am thinking of you while laying in twisted bed sheets.

Your presence in my thoughts is an unwelcomed desire

pushing me to re-evaluate everything I thought I knew …

that I felt,

and the worst part of it all

is that you don’t even know that your in my head

and every smile,

every light-hearted conversation,

every time I see your name printed

I feel deliriously woozy.

Four hours has passed by

with 220 of those minutes spent thinking of you …

of me with you …

on you …

wrapped in everything that is you,

and it makes me feel weak,

less sure of myself,

and it is all self inflicted,

you think of me as nothing more than the sweet girl at the desk

who you can talk to as you do your mail.

I want nothing more than to go back to the happy confident solitude that I was living …

no need for anyone or anything let into who it is that is me,

yet I can’t stop indulging in my thoughts of you,

of who I could be with you.

I tell myself that this whimsical nonsense must stop,

counting the seconds

and the minutes passing without thoughts of you popping into my head,

singing bah bah black sheep

over and over in my head

to keep myself in focus of being out of focus with you.

8 minutes and 43 seconds pass

and then I hear your sweet kiwi accent say my name

asking how my day is …

im not sure what kind of answer I give you

as my mind gives way to renditions of the black sheep

and succumbs to everything that is you.

 

Maybe I will try and quit you tomorrow…