eh .. rambles i guess

So, i have a question, at what point do we admit to ourselves that we are no longer important in someone elses life? At what point do we acknowledge that they just dont care, that they dont take a second thought about us or check up on us like we do to them. 

It is so plainly obvious that you dont care.  So why do i keep hoping that you will?

One day i will be breave enough to say good bye.

*sighs*

Lets not be depressing this entry, so onto happier news, it is my beautiful nieces first birthday in just over a month.  I remember holding her in my arms 5 hours after she was born, tears rolling down my face as she opens her eyes and stretches her hand out to my face, i know at that stage she couldnt see me clearly, but she felt me holding her whispering to her how beautiful she was, and her response was something i will never forget.  I remember in those moments excited about her growing up, i couldnt wait for her to get older so i could do so much more with her, but now, now that she is 11 months old, all i want to do is to slow down time, everytime i see her she has grown up that bit more.  Last night she gave me my first ever proper kiss from her.  I kissed her on the cheek and said, katie can meme have a kiss? (meme is what i am called with her, she says mum and dad and nana, so i am on a race to have my name said next and meme is easier than amy, but when i try to get her to say it she shakes her head at me and blows raspberrys, which is so much cuter .. but anyway) i ask her for a kiss, and she leans in and kisses my cheek, doing the whole muah sound and all.  I swear, so melted my heart. 

I just wish they wouldnt grow up so fast.

So i cant wait to go shopping next week for her birthday, i already have a huge list of everything that im going to get her, one of the things is painted board letter thingys, so she can have her name on her door, i have been trying to get them for 4 months, and everywhere i go they are always  missing one letter, so yeah ok the logical thing would be to buy what letters they already have and then get the missing one at another store, wrong!  all letters come in different colours, and i want hers to be a mix of colours, so i need all letters there at the time to make sure they dont clash or have two in the same colour.  Yes im being difficult, but seriously, the colour thing is important!

Think thats about all … ive applied for a job within the hospital, its kinda high up, in the executive suite working for the ceo, but, kinda think its outta my league even to get an interview.  But fingers crossed, its only for ten months, but its a pay rise and fantastic experience to put on my cv.

 oh yeah, just to note, i am finally pretty much better.  After 7 weeks, i am pretty much well! ok so my voice still cracks every now and then when i talk and i have a slight cough.  But i am well, i feel great.  About time!