happiness

When did i get happy, i mean … like, when did i get happy in the now, i dont have anything in my life that i want or set out to achieve … well, i dont have them yet, but i will, but thats beside the point. When did i find happiness in the now, i thought that there where things i needed in life, people i needed, achievements, i had a list. I thought that all that would make me happy.
But somehow i find it without trying. Without achieving anything. Without a relationship.
i found it without knowing it, and now im worried i will loose it. That because i dont know how i got it that i wont know how to hold onto it.