Therapy for rejects

" The dangerous thing about listening is that you don’t really know the effect it’s going to have. "

-Tori Amos

I have been in a mood lately. I have been not doing the best. My head is full of  eczema my ears hurt and I am constanly having shortness of breath as well as being panicky. Jen thinks it is because of the therapy and well generally symptoms like that would not be in the catagory of progress. I am often emotional and tempermental. I am wishing Christmas wasn’t comeing. I am not in any kind of holiday spirit but I guess who would be when your parents are being divorced and you are feeling insecure in your relationships. I have the psychic fair on Sunday and don’t really know how well I will do. I am hoping it will all just pass.

So really life just kind of sucks for me right now. It’s an emotional uproar and I can’t really talk to anyone about it. If I talk to Mandy I will hear how wrong my mom is ( Which helps sometimes) Talk to Cheri I get preached about God, Margie hasn’t really been approachable and really we always end up in some kind of arguement  and Jen changes subjects or tells me to speak to my therapist. I don’t want to feel that the only person who I can talk to is the one person I pay to care for an hour. I mean come on that is what therapy is. Even Sabrina says so. She handed me a sheet of paper that gives me emergency contact numbers in case I have a break down while she is on vacation. Like someone can’t survive for 2 weeks without a therapist. I looked at her and told her that if I had an emotional emergency she wouldn’t be the first one I called. Jen or AnnMarie would be. If I was ever abused or raped I would probably show up at Jens house since that is where I feel safest. But the odds of that happening is next to none. She then said that often people go to therapy because they can’t talk to anyone else. They have no one they can be open with. Which made me think about what the hell I was doing there. Jen wantted me to go to therapy, what is all that suppose to mean. I know Jen didn’t like hearing what was going on at home so does that mean I become one of these pathetic people who see a therapist because they lack friends and supportive family. I mean really.

      I guess I just go do whatever and answer the questions. And I am not that thrilled that I feel I am now in the circle of  rejects . My uncle says that you pay someone to tell you what you are thinking. And really that is kinda what they do. But every week he mocks me. And I can’t be rude and standing up for myself never works. It would be so much easier if I could just tell him that it is court ordered. LOL But then I would have to think of something bad to accompany the story. Well I have to go and save Cheryls ass. I don’t feel like fucking taking care of kids. There is 3 of them ages 5,4,6months. Hopefully they will just be a sleep and won’t be out long. * Sigh* I need a hug 8-(