Bitching about Therapy
" The dangerous thing about listening is that you don’t really know the effect it’s going to have. "
-Tori Amos
Well I had another strange dream involving a beautiful hispanic little girl and the same guy from lastnights dream was there. But he got shot in the arm trying to save the little girl who was now an orphan. We were in some strange and hostile country.I became very protective of that child. And the guy was nice. In this dream I was kind of a spectator, watching and not controling anything. I don’t know what I was doing there but apperently I knew this guy I was working with well. He is probably about 5-8 years older than I. I have never seen him in real life. Just a tad bit twisted exspecially with seeing him in the dream with Jen and this one as well. But I guess it is all good since he doesn’t scare me at all in my dreams. I seem to be comfortable with him.
In other news I have been kinda thinking about quiting therapy. I don’t see it helping and really I feel more shut off than I did without going. I have been having an emotional roller coaster and often just wanting someone to be around. I mean I go there I sit for an hour and talk about whatever she really wants to. It jumps from week to week depending on what is going on. It is nice not being told " I am not going to discuss this anymore" or " your repeating yourself" but you know what the hell would she care. I see my uncle about every week now., Because he works right next store and is always outside. He mocks me for going. Asks me who told me I was crazy. He says that people only go when they feel or have been told they need therapy because they are crazy. He tells me that I would never get better for those people won’t let you get better. That they won’t get paided anymore so of coarse your not allowed to get better. He turns it into a big joke that is then joined in by his co-workers. ( men ) I try to ignore it and act like it doesn’t bother me. I like Sabrina I do but I guess the reality would be that she does remain caring outside that hour. Listening to my uncle is like listening to my father. Dad use to always tell me how the world doesn’t care about you and such and I know that is true. So what now? Does it really matter if I stop going. I don’t feel no better, I feel more emotional but that could also be from a month and a half of PMSing. Just my thoughts today. I am not seeing a point.
In some ways I have been feeling a little curious. I have been looking at things that would get me into trouble and I guess it wouldn’t really be bad if I didn’t have the fear the Jen would severly kick my ass or worse not talk to me over it. So I have been doing just as I should. I took my one drug test and need to take the other one and after that I will be free again. Grrr I just want to go out and be with friends. Wish Mandy wasn’t sick or something. I know that Glynn and Jen are usually busy and such. I just don’t want to be here . Anyways I need to go.