Jorden is here

My father and I are home alone. We are not fighting but rather discussing Jorden. We got on to the topic as he told me I needed to behave today that I needed to be civil. She is spending the night here. We started talking about it. I informed him that Josh is looking for me to fight. Earlier I had to get my mom invoved for I was in the living room minding my own busniess on the computer and watching tv when Josh came in asked where the remote was then took it from me. I told him to go into his room as he has cable in his room. Josh made the comment that he wanted to be out here and started flipping through the channels. I told mom what was all going on for I was trying hard to keep my cool. But I don’t like he being here let alone having Josh become demanding because she is here. They started kissing and all that on the couch. Nope not dealing with it. So mom mae him go to his room ,,,, When she did that he lost intrest in watching tv and they went to the beach.I think it is soley to get me started. Anyways dad and I talked. I told him up front trying not to tie emotions to my feelings and to express them as an adult. I told him that I felt that she would take my place. He said that mom likes her basically she is pleasant and all that jazz. She is what I am not. And I told him I don’t want to compete with that. I pointed out the fact that he hugs her. He looked at me stunned.  He said it was because he feels for her. I called him on that. I told him that he doesn’t hug anyone. I have brough through many girls though out my years and not one of them got a hug from him unless they went to him first. Then he said it was because she was told from day one that she is a burden and not wanted. That they keep her because the laws says they have to. I feel for her yes but I don’t like change and I have enough changes going on. I don’t know.

 Anyways My dad is talking about going to reiki tonight. Apperently a lot of people went last week. I will probably go for I need to work and be worked on. I have an idea but I don’t know if I want to act on it. When mom asked me if I wanted to go my mind started telling me to get everyones number that would be interested in Jen and Margies sharing night, But I don’t know. I don’t know what I want to do. .So much to think about.