Work trip

FUCK I HATE WORK TRIPS!

I mean no I don’t, they are fine. This one just has SUPER LONG DAYS and it’s fucking exhausting. I’m a mentor for these youth at this week long summit for video making skills they will take back to their communities. And it’s only day one and I’m fucking beat. Dinner afterwards was in a group and lasted until 9pm. Too damn long. I’m back in the hotel room vegging out but it’s already almost 10pm and breakfast starts at 8:30🕠

I don’t know why Open Diary has clocks for any times.

ANYWAY I was hoping all day to get a message from Kate or a friend request or something. And nothing. I know how to get in touch with her but since she didn’t volunteer the information herself, I don’t want to be a creep and bother her. And I dunno, it’s only been two days. Not really long at all. I’m just really wanting to start getting to know her. OKAY I ADMIT I also really think it would be nice to kiss her.

I was talking about it with my Mom tonight after work and calling her a crushlette, because she’s not a fully fledged crush since I don’t know her well enough. I might not really be into her when I get to know her. Or maybe she isn’t even into me and was just drunk and wanted to flirt with someone. Maybe she found out I want a baby and got nervous and ran away. Maybe lots of things intervened. Maybe she looked me up on Facebook and found out Jessie is our mutual friend and sent a message to Jessie being like “Curious Georgina, yay or nay?” And Jessie was like “NAY!” I dunno.

I’m too tired to be properly anxious about it. If this whole work week goes by and she still doesn’t reach out, I’ll probably finally be sad when I am back home in my lonely apartment looking at the floor and wishing there was someone beside me being cute and funny and touchy feely.

It’s nice to like someone who isn’t Jessie though. Like okay I liked one of those women way back in like, late October, that I went on a date with. But this one seems more like instant chemistry and heat. I’ll be disappointed if it’s not mutual, because she seemed really so much like a femme getting silly because she’s attracted and interested. Like honestly she was fucking adorable cause she was so goddamn beautiful and in her words also so awkward. And already all kinds of ideas are floating around in my head about being touched by her and being able to kiss her. And also I really just haven’t been drawn to someone this way since Jessie. And yeah Jessie wasn’t very long ago, but she had a stupid partner, and this one is definitely single and looking to mingle. And yeah, feeling sparks fly is fucking sweet. I liked it. I know there will be others if this doesn’t work out. But I dunno, this is a really sweet chemistry that I haven’t felt in a long time and I want to see what happens.

I guess if she never gets in touch with me or friend requests me, I’ll know what happens which is nothing. At what point do I give up hope? Is she doing one of those wait three days things? Did she find out my age and think I am too old?

Ahhh god so many questions. I know honestly though if this is mutual she will follow up, and if she doesn’t my only embarrassment will be asking her to dance and for a hug and giving her my card. Which isn’t embarrassing at all really. But it would be better than me continuing to pursue right now without any further encouragement from her. Like if I sent her a friend request AND followed her twitter, it would be a little weird.

I almost wished I had kissed her already. BUT ALSO there is something to be said for taking it slow. It’s hard. If she does want to go on a date, I would be so tempted to go all the way with her right away. But I’ve been really really trying hard not to fuck on the first date. On the other hand if we went out and I invited her back to make out with me, I think that could be okay, Geez.

It’s just been a VERY LONG TIME since I had sex with someone. And the last woman I had sex with just wanted sex and then to dispose of me after. And I guess I’m a feelingsslut. I really wanted more. And it’s been really strong in my mind that the next time I get together with someone, I want to know it won’t be a one night stand. I mean I want to settle down this year. At least have a hot sparkling romantic adventure with someone who also wants to settle down soon and figure out if we have what it takes together. Like I don’t see what the point is to have a fling. I want to really get to know and hopefully grow to love someone. And I don’t want to have that for someone emotionally unavailable again. No partnered people. No straight women. No far away people. And Kate was so clear with me that she is single and gay and lives in the same city.

BUT even if she never gets in touch, at least I’ll have known that I have the capacity to feel sparks with someone who isn’t goddamn Jessie. Ugh had enough of being sad over being rejected by her.