Being Nice

A few weeks ago, I noticed an unfamiliar face in the graduate lounge while I was eating lunch. I introduced myself, and learned that she was a new first-year student who was trying to get an early start on research. We talked for about 10 minutes, and she asked me for my number because she didn’t know anyone else in the area yet, and she needed someone to hang out with. I was a little apprehensive because there was something a little strange about her, but I wanted to be nice and not rude, so I let her have it.

The first time I saw her eating lunch after our initial meeting, I introduced her to the other people in the lounge. I figured she would come over and join us, but she didn’t. That time and every subsequent time that I saw her in the lounge, she sat at the far end of the table, as far away from everyone as she could get.

This evening, she finally called. A guy in her group (who I know) had invited her to a party, and she didn’t want to go alone. I was looking forward to settling in and either reading a book or watching a movie, so I was reluctant. Nevertheless, since I’m such an all-around nice guy, I agreed. She’s obviously shy, so I didn’t want to stand in the way of her making some friends just so I could bum around at home. “But”, I told her, “I have church in the morning, so I can’t stay too late.” We agreed to leave at midnight.

I picked her up at her apartment at about 10. The party was at an apartment close to campus. After we arrived, we talked to one another for a while, then we split up to chat with other people. A few minutes after midnight, I tracked her down to see if she was ready to pack it in.

I found her outside on the fringe of a small group of other women. I asked her if she was having a good time and if she was about ready to leave. Somehow we ended up idly chatting, and out of nowhere she asked me if I was seeing anyone. (“Danger, Will Robinson!”) Then she started talking about her ex-boyfriend. Without filling me in on all the details, she worked up to telling me that they broke up because he was afraid of commitment. And then she basically started to take out her various frustrations with the male gender on me. I’m not talking about in a “he he, Men are from Mars” kind of way. She was seriously a little belligerent. I know what you’re thinking, gentle reader, but you’re wrong. She hadn’t had a drop of alcohol. I didn’t know how to respond, so when she paused every couple of sentences to apologize for the inappropriately personal nature of the conversation, I insisted that it was okay. (Even though, honestly, it wasn’t. It was making me hella uncomfortable.) Finally she stopped talking long enough for me to say that I was going to turn to a pumpkin, and we left.

On the way out, she realized she had forgotten her umbrella. Very strangely, she asked me to go back up stairs to get it for her while she waited, which I dutifully did. Ladies: What, if anything, does this mean?

When I dropped her off at her apartment, she told me that she had enjoyed it and that we should do it again sometime. She added that if I’m going bowling or seeing a movie or something sometime, I should call her. If she possesses any ability to read body language, I doubt she’s holding her breath waiting for my call. My mouth was saying “okay” and “yeah” and “sure”, but I’m certain my furrowed brow telegraphed the fact that I was willing her to get out of the car with every grain of my latent psychic powers.

I feel a little like a creep about the whole thing. As I said, she seems extremely shy. She’s probably lonely, and she’s evidently having a hard time with a recent break-up. Accordingly, I feel some responsibility to help her out. Being lonely is really tough.

But I have negative desire to spend more time with her. The brief conversations we’ve had have been either dull or Awkward (note the capital A). It’s a superficial thing to fixate on, but she’s also what we used to call an “up talker” in speech class. She turns up the end of every sentence like a question, whether it is or not. It makes her sound obsequious, and it’s annoying. I’m terrified of her misinterpreting my friendliness for romantic interest. It was a little hard to tell whether some of her questions were probing in that direction or if she was just trying to segue into airing her feelings about her ex-boyfriend.

Soon the rest of her classmates will show up. Hopefully, she’ll make some friends then.