F*cktard

I finally have Internet back!

I’ve been living by the way of the phone internet and well it won’t let me write on here.

First things first I suppose.

Chris came back the Wednesday after he left. He had taken all of my shit and ran off with some girl down to KY. Are you fuckin’ serious? Yes and I supplied the gas and money 2 weeks prior so that he could go meet up with her and I guess fuck each others brains out. Sounds lovely. I didn’t know about any of this and I found myself thinking what a stupid bitch I had been. I saw all of the signs but I thought I was just be a mistrusting woman, and that if I had called him out on it then he would throw a big fit and say that I never trust him. For good reason as you see.

Anyway, he left a note in the mailbox on that following Wednesday saying to give him a call. So I did on his fucking whores cell phone may I add, and he answered the phone like nothing was happening. I could have jumped through the phone and killed him that moment. I asked for ALL of my stuff back. I had paid for it, it’s not like he worked the past 3 years, and the truck too. He threw a big fit and I was yelling she was yelling…it was awful. Like some sort of white trash throw down. I never thought I’d be part of all that. He wound up coming back that night after he dropped the hooker off. He brought all of the stuff back and hooked it back up. He started crying and sobbing about how sorry he was and he was so confused and lost and blah blah fucking blah. I don’t by the bullshit even til this day. On Thursday I told him he couldn’t stay at the house and he’d have to find somewhere else. He claimed to love me so much and all he ever wanted was to just come home because I was the only thing he thought about when he was away. Are you fucking kidding me???

YOU THOUGHT OF ME WHILE YOU WERE FUCKING SOME OTHER WOMAN???

I’m sure… Anyway, he went to stay with his parents in IL and I again sent him off with a full tank of gas, some money in his pocket and a pre-paid cell phone. Which might I add was way too much and more than he ever deserved. He stayed there for a couple of weeks until I could sort things out in my mind and find out what I truly wanted and was healthy for me. I’m still not really sure if I made the right decision. I let him come back. Only to find out that he had fucked another woman in MI prior to the one in KY. This is what we bought a truck for? For you to find women on the internet to hook up with? I think not. He was doing this at work while he was supposed to be on the job. So fucked up. Needless to say he hasn’t worked anywhere since and he claims to be, "trying to put the pieces back together again". Whatever bastard you’re not humpty dumpty and I’m not fucking goldie locks we both know that fairy tales are fake and we’re just living on borrowed time in this "relationship". He’s going to SAA meetings, and NA meetings and counseling and well I just could give a fuck less what he’s trying to do. I may sound like a cold hearted bitch, but nothing can heal what he has done to me and even though with each passing day it gets a little easier to look at him, the trust may NEVER come back. Can you blame me? I’m the responsible one here and I deserve so much more than what I’m getting.

I talked to both of the women. I know it wasn’t their fault because he of course lied and said he wasn’t marred, he told one of them I was dead and the other than I was his sister from Germany. WTF. I’m not saying they were the brightest bulbs, but even the dumbest people don’t deserve to be lied to. Here’s the real kicker, I’m not a shy person when I really want to know something and these women were all to happy to give up the details of lies, sex and etc. No protection was used with either, he said that his daughter was dead which is fucked up, he said that I was dead/didn’t exist, he was from Germany, he owned his own business. In short he’s a douche.

How are you supposed to forgive someone who does such stupid shit and basically takes your heart and shits on it?

I’m not bitter though right? lol

That feels better…………..thanks 🙂 ~megs