I wish things could be different sometimes…

I just don’t know sometimes.  I wish for things to be different and yet I feel powerless to change anything.  I feel like I’m trying so hard with you.  I give and give and I try to find nice things to do for you so that you might just do one nice thing for me.  I try to do the things like cleaning and cooking etc. so that you can see I’m trying to be a great wife and maybe in return just sit with me on the couch for 20 minutes and hold me.  I reach out for you ALL the time and I come up empty handed. 

I am so alone at times and I feel imcomplete and I don’t know how to fill the void.  You told me tonight that I should find someone else that wants to listen to me, someone who wants to listen to me bitch, someone else that would fuck me and that I shouldn’t be surprised that you don’t want to do any of these with me because I nag you all the time.  I suppose I just didn’t realize that I was nagging.  I didn’t know that me asking for some sort of attention/affection/love/sex was in your words such a "chore".  I was unaware that I had become a "chore".  I sit here alone at 1:40 a.m. feeling as if I did something wrong.  As if I’m nothing and somehow you actually made me feel like it is/was/will always be my fault. 

I’m at a loss for who I am.