4/11/07

Ok, so life is interesting.

I got my car repo’d on Monday which was an experience I’ve never had before and I’m not really sure what to do about it either.  I would like to get the car back which I don’t know if that’s something that you’re allowed to do once you pay what is owed or what.  If so then I could pay it when I get paid tomorrow.  Then again I’m not sure if when they do that if it’s just gone for good.  Hmm…I shall call and find out I suppose.

I had Tuesday off which didn’t really help much because I was really depressed about the car thing and it would’ve been better to be at work than at home with my unemployed husband which I felt myself blaming him for the entire thing anyway.  Grr.  So I took some of it out on him and I’m not saying I wasn’t bitchy because lets face it I WAS A BITCH.  It made me feel better for a minute.  What an awful thing to admit.  But it did.  He wasn’t being a nice guy either so I suppose we were both just frustrated and out of it.  So I picked myself up and said fuck this and got on the computer and sent out his resume to a MILLION people.  Hoping that something would come of it.  He hadn’t sent out one resume the entire time he’s been home and I just don’t think it’s my responsibility to baby him all the time.  You have to be proactive in your own life at some point right?  I guess not.  He said he didn’t know how to do it or else he would’ve.  I don’t buy it, but nonetheless I did it for him.  Guess what.

Today around noon a company called and wanted him to interview at 2 p.m.  He called me in a panic at work and I told him he’d be fine.  So he went to the interview.  HE GOT THE JOB. Holy crap.  The great thing is that the company is affiliated with his school and will pay for it.  So he’ll be able to get back the school and be working too.  WHAT A DAY!!!!!!  I’m excited at the prospect of the job, money and school.  But I also find myself lacking a bit of confidence in my husband.  I want him so much to succeed so that we can as well.  It’s difficult to support someone who you are not sure what is going to happen to them.  He’s gone from bad to worse at times and from great to even better with his attitude.  Sometimes he’s fine and sometimes he’s a real asshole.  Unfortunately no one wants to work with an asshole and that’s why he lost his job to begin with.  You can’t complain about shit constantly at your job or people get tired of it and fire you.  Plus it helps to actually be on time for once right.  I hate to sit here and point out the bad stuff.  He does a great job when he puts his mind to it.  He doubts himself though and then I find myself doubting him as well.  There is just so much shit that has happened.  Trust is difficult to repair.

My job is going well and my review is supposed to be this month although I’m not holding my breath.  We’re  trying to get certified to accept financial aid and that’s a bitch to do.  So we’re jumping through hoops and I doubt that my raise is a number one priority.  Oh well, it’ll happen when everything settles down. 

Other than that I’m just trying to get a grasp on my life and the uncontrollable things in it.  It’s nearly impossible to find the light at the end of the tunnel at times.  But I just keep going forward knowing that it is there.  And eventually I’ll come to the surface for air.