ah screw it and while you’re at it screw me too…

good times…bad times….ahh fuck it….

Still haven’t had sex…getting a little agitated…I’ve only gotten a hand job and it was in the morning so I was barely awake enough to enjoy that…sucks ass…

It’s been a pretty uneventful week thus far…work had been alright…home has been ok too I suppose…Monday night I went over to my sisters because she was sick…all pukie and such…so I brough over some pepto over…mostly because her girlfriends weren’t taking care of her…that’s right I said girlfriends…it’s a fucked up situation they have going on over there…my sister has 2 girlfriends both over the age of 40…and she’s 27….I’m all about whatever makes people happy…but yuck…not only that but they really aren’t very nice to her…makes me angry sometimes, but it’s not my place to say anything so I keep my mouth shut…they just expect her to clean and cook and all that crap and if she gets a wrong brand at the store god help her because she’s going to hear about it for 3 days…weirdos….ok I’m done with that….

I’m kind of crapped out today…we need to go to the grocery and I just checked my account online and we only have 49 dollars so that’s not looking too good on the food front…fucking money pisses me off…I can never have enough of it and I’m getting really fucking tired of having to scrounge around for it to even eat…give me a fucking break right….bleh…today I just feel like saying fuck like 80 times in a row…fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck….

ahh that feels nice…lol….

So after I get paid on thrusday I have to go start x-mas shopping…I’m not really in the christmas spirit this year…in fact I don’t really like christmas that much…never really have….I always feel like I get people crap because I can’t afford anything else…sure they pretend to like it but I know they don’t….I don’t even like the crap I get them…lol…oh well…

I want to watch empire records…I love that movie I have the song going through my head that’s in the movie…***the best things in life are free, but you can give them to the birds and bees…I want money…****…love that movie…

I’m very random today….chris called at lunch and asked if I would make a doctors appointment for him because he’s had a cold for about 2 weeks now…so I get to break it to him when he gets home that we don’t have the money for him to go to the doctor so he’ll have to wait until next week…I feel like such a fucking loser for that…I don’t even have enough money to get him to the doctor…I suck….*lights a cig*….

Life moves too fast…and I’m stuck at a standstill…I see people moving around me and I can’t even move my feet to catch up with them…I’m lost in the chaotic pace of nothing…I’m in a hurry to grab happiness and I’m chasing it endlessly….I fear it is a useless goal…