Getting used to the nameless feeling

Have you ever gotten “used” to the point that you just don’t feel anymore?

I think I’ve gotten to that point. It’s weird emptiness inside. There isn’t a word to describe it, it’s a feeling without a word that explains it. It’s nothingness…

Between the lies that I’ve been told and the obvious lack of concern and respect that I’ve felt the past month or so…I’m becoming rather jaded…and lonely…

I just found out that my best friend has been lying to me for the past 5 months…and the thing is…it only starts out as one lie…but you keep having to lie to cover up for the first…and before you know it…all you’re telling the other person is lies…but she’s really sorry she says…*sigh*…The thing is, she told me that she thought I’d figure it out, but that I was so dense that I never did…wow…that’s nice, throw an insult in there to go with the lies…nice way to get back on my good side…wtf?? I don’t know anymore, I’m sick of being lied to by everyone…See, she was going out with Brian, then he got thrown in jail and she was waiting for him right…well…she was sleeping with Zach while she waited for him…3 months later he gets out of jail…she tells him that she’s sleeping with Zach…Brian leaves her and she comes running back to guess who…ME…and I’m sitting there feeling sorry as hell because I was the one who told her to go out with Brian in the first place, that it’d be good for her…well…2 months after the fact…after I still feel horrible for having a part in breaking her heart…she tells me about Zach and her…and I sit there, being stunned…and in that moment lose all respect for both her and Zach…and I don’t feel sorry for her in the least bit anymore…because, in the past 5 months while she’s been lying, she’s been blowing me off..and ditching me…lying to me about why she did both…hurting me…and she said this, “well, it’s because I know that when I’m done with the other people, you’ll still be there, and I can come back to you, you’ll always be there, so I can treat you like that”…I’m not so sure I want to be there anymore…

Between her…and “CC” I’ve pretty much gotten screwed over the past month or so…

No worries right…I’ll never say anything to either one of them about any of this…I don’t want hurt them…weird huh…I don’t mind them hurting me, but I’m ok with them hurting me…oh well…later~megs