Seperation of comfort

I spent my first night at my parent’s house, and I am still having substantial insomnia issues. I’m not sure why it is, still struggling to setup a game plan but I felt very comfortable in the house, so it wasn’t stress usually associated with safety.

But one thing I did notice, was that I really have a great amount of enjoyment knowing I can protect those I love. When I was in Tampa, I told her "You can sleep safely here" to which she responded "I feel safe." with such certainty I literally felt me love grow. It seems that I take great pleasure in providing things I don’t/didn’t have, such as the feeling of safety to sleep. I’m an all or none type of person, so when it comes to Tots & TS, I rather just not think of them, otherwise I’d be driving myself insane worried about their safety, but that’s something I have no more control over.

I took a pain reliever pm & an antihistamine, and still couldn’t fucking fall asleep. I hate that shit. Although I definitely do feel I’m in a serotonin shortage here, each act is labored and deliberate, I basically have to force myself to do anything, but I really don’t want to take any SSNRI’s, I would just like for my fucking brain to work like it should.

I still miss her very much (Ashlee), but there’s really not much I can do… Damn INFP’s and their procrastination… I’d have no qualms doing her shit for her, LOL, but if they don’t want it done… well… that’s that. I’m back walking my little deserted plain of existence. Which is becoming more and more difficult. I just went out to a bar the other day and struck up a conversation with two lovely young girls (in sarasota). I don’t think I’m becoming more E but more than likely I’m just becoming more uncomfortable with my I.

My computer hobbies just don’t seem that interesting anymore, I don’t know if that’s because of my lack of relationship stimuli (or maybe even "Real intelectual stimulation") is causing that effect? But I do enjoy talking to the atheists, a young hip crowed of my intellectual peers, it’s cool stuff.