01/09/2013

 1014 am

I admit that I try hard to avoid Rachel at work just like she avoids me. I have seen her twice in the last hour. I’ll also admit that seeing her walk with Crystal and have a smile on her face until she saw me burned a little. However, all you can do – all I can do – is to let it go and move on. I’m doing that in a few ways. I’m writing our story into a book. I’m also moving out when I get my tax return. I’m not hiding or avoiding her. If I see her, I see her. I’m not going to smile, wave or acknowledge her. She may be in my field of vision, but I won’t look at her. No matter how badly my heart wants to. I wrote this 1/8/13 at 5:16 am and all I can say is: it’s going to be ok

You can take away your love
You can remind me we aren’t friends
And in my pain
My confidence is small
 
I can pretend you don’t exist
I can fake it till I make it
But that doesn’t change
That I still care
 
We aren’t able to mend fences
We aren’t able to acknowledge
Anything we’ve experienced
And the end of it all is something we both shoulder