01/04/2013

This afternoon, I lost my mind. I wanted to ask Rachel about "Christmas dinner" with my mom. She talked to me like I was ridiculous and dirt. Like I was a nuisance. Crystal has greatly influenced her. She’s deleted me from Facebook and it is clear that we will not be friends. I told her to get her stuff and she refused. She wanted me to do it at work, have a friend of mine pick it up or give it to her. Erika was isolated in her own house because of crystal. I wasn’t going to involve Erika more than she was. I was cold, I was also hurting. She lied to me. In all our time together, I believe she’s never lied to me. She kept something from me that she didn’t need to. She has chosen crystal over me. Crystal has twisted so many things and Rachel believes everything she says. I’m not bitter at Rachel or our break up. I blame crystal for it spiraling out of control. She broke things off with Erika the same day Rachel broke up with me. Crystal I friended me on Facebook and this did Rachel. I did not want to talk to Rachel when I took her stuff to Erika’s to put it in her car. If my dog leash hadn’t been in her box, I wouldn’t have said a word. Then she told me "thank you" and I said it back. It was soft and apologetic on her part. I did not look at her. I looked snouty to see where she was in relation to me, looked up enough to see my house key in her hand so I could take it. I haven’t cried and I don’t think I will. I care deeply for Rachel and I wish her happiness. But I hope she does see how twisted crystal is. I hope she realizes that crystal is two-faced and will take what she wants from those she claims to care about and then turn on them. And with luck, she won’t do this to Rachel and they’ll be happy. I wish no malice upon either of them. Rachel is hurting and is easily influenced right now. But, this is my last entry about Rachel. I’m a strong guy. I’m a loving guy. She’s going to realize her mistake in the long run because we were great and our love changed the world.