I Hate Poodles

Disclaimer: If you have a severe adulation for poodles, then I am sorry. No, wait! I’m not sorry. You should be taken outside in your underwear and made to sing Prince songs in this negative degree weather until utter humiliation sets in or your extremities freeze off. Either will do!

I freaking hate poodles! While I was on a home visit today I was thoroughly assaulted by this aaaaaaargh! God-awful dog!  In a manner of 5 minutes the thing tried to bite my hand, bite my shoe, and my ankle. It then proceeded to wrap its mangy paws around my leg and….yep….I totally got humped! Needless to say, I was freaking out a little bit. I kept trying to shake it off without swearing or bashing its head in. 

Finally I got loose and sat down, relieved to be free of the horny poodle and what does that little mangy, mother-trucking dog do? It marches right over to my foot, sniffs and lifts its leg! I lost it! I kicked it. Yes I did. There was no way I was going back to the office smelling of horny poodle piss! Sorry! I’m a dog lover, but there are lines drawn! Ok!?

P.S. I didn’t kick it very hard, just enough to get it to move away!