Life strikes those who can’t strike back

Hey guys, I just need a place to vent something I’ve seen tonight. If you have anything you can offer to help me work through this or help the people affected, please let me know. The situation I’ve found myself witnessing is complex, so I’ll give you all some background (even though some of you may remember/know some of it from prior diary entries).

As you know, I’m dating a wonderful man named Matt. His parents divorced when he was quite young, and his father took on the task of raising the kids (don’t know why, the mom’s not shifty or anything). Both have remarried. His father and step-mom live in South Dakota. His mother and step-father live in Texas near him. He has a younger sister named Khristen who lives with his mother. She is a single mother. Her adorable daughter, Peyton, turned one year old in November. Khristen has not been able to hold a job for more than a few months at a time (if that). Apparently she has a terrible tendency to be swayed by peer pressure. She parties all weekend, and stays out late most week nights. She skips works shifts and ends up getting fired from one job after another. Hooters, Dave and Busters, Applebees, you name the restaurant, she’s probably worked there and been fired. This leave her mother and step-dad footing most if not all of her bills…as well as shoving them into the rolls of primary caretakers for Peyton. Step-dad is sick of her mooching off of them, but anytime he convinces his wife to put her foot down, Khristen pulls the lowest trick in the book. She plays on her mother’s guilt for leaving her children and uses Peyton as leverage. All that said, Khristen does seem to love her daughter, even if she is far too immature to be a mother.

Now, here’s the newly noticed situation. Khristen was out all weekend (again), and Matt and I went over to see his mom, step-dad, and Peyton. Peyton has been sick most of the week and had been in and out of the emergency room for the past few weeks due to illness and recently being diagnosed with anemia. When we got there, she was very apparently still ill and was running a fever of 101 plus. After an hour or so of playing with us post-nap, she started getting very cranky as only sick babies can. Knowing that sleep is often the best medicine, Matt’s mom put Peyton back to bed with a bottle. We heard her crying and fussing for quite some time on the baby monitor, but ignored it mostly to give her the chance to fall back asleep. Finally, the screaming increased so much that Matt went to go get her out of bed. He hadn’t been in there long before he called for me and his mother. Apparently, Peyton had thrown up all over herself and her bed. This isn’t too surprising for a sick baby, and he and I would have dismissed it if his mom hadn’t sighed and said that she’s learned how to make herself throw up recently.

How on earth could an infant know how to force herself to throw up? How do you learn that on your own when you still have trouble walking and running? The answers to those questions arrived with Khristen a few minutes later. She got home from wherever she was this weekend just in time to bathe her daughter. Khristen is a tiny little thing to begin with, but she’s lost weight. She’s right on the verge of looking unhealthy. I didn’t really put two and two together very quickly since I don’t see her very often, but Matt started to catch on pretty quickly. It wasn’t until dinner time, when Peyton, who hasn’t eaten much of anything in two days, wouldn’t eat and then started to shove her fingers down her throat until she gagged. Khristen stopped her in time to keep the dinner table from seeing the same disaster as the crib, but then laughed and said "She’s going to grow up to be bulemic or anorexic or both."

Now Matt and I believe that Peyton has watched her mother force herself to be sick and has learned those bad habits. The question becomes, what can we do about it? Matt’s mom is hobbled by her guilt and won’t take decisive action against her own daughter. I can’t really step in since they aren’t my family, and they aren’t the kinds of people who would take too kindly to someone from the outside sticking their nose into their affairs. Matt feels helpless because his sister and he haven’t gotten along well for quite some time, so she’s unlikely to listen to him, even when Peyton is involved. I just can’t help but be concerned. If Khristen went down in flames on her own, that would be one thing, but the fact that Peyton is a part of this is sad beyond my abilty to express.

Any advice is definitely appreciated.