All my thoughts put chaotic in an entry

I have had a rough week. Mixed feelings, but in the end, I know where I stand. Last week, my  ex-boyfriend said he’s sorry, that he misses me that he has lots of feelings for me again and that he wants to talk. I saw him the day after he said that, and he just left me there standing and watching him ride away with his bike. It was kind of heartbreaking to me because I felt like I wasn’t even worth an explanation. I sometimes think: "Where did we go wrong?". But then I remember he said he wasn’t ready for it, and it’s true. He’s just way too childish and just.. I’m so mad at him right now, which gives me even more energy to have fun. I want him to feel I’m alright and I can easily live without him. But can I? Ofcourse I can. If he can act like a total douchebag all of a sudden like I did I don’t know what to him than he doesn’t even deserve my attention and I am going to try my hardest to make him regret he broke up with me. I’ve lived 13 years without him already so I can live the rest of my life without him too. I know I won’t forget him in an hour or two, not at all, he was my first boyfriend and I never felt so good with a boy before. He will always be special to me including our memories together.. But the last two months were crap. Complete total crap. I felt like a loser. An ugly, dumb loser. And that’s not how your boyfriend should let you feel. So better the short pain than the long one. Better this than being in an unhappy relationship for the rest of my life. I won’t let it come that far because I’ve had enough of examples in my surroundings of that. I am done with the relationships for a while. I’m now all in for my family and friends, school (because my finals turned out to be quite bad)  and having fun and not caring about him anymore because he is doing the exact same thing and I’m done and I’m done and I am very mad right now and I hope he’ll regret sooooooooo much.  I’m sorry this is a bad entry I just wanted to put my thoughts, as chaotic as they are, all in this entry and leave them there and move the fuck on. I’m done with feeling bad, so done. DONE