Dishes

Whenever I do dishes I play music and usually everyone is in the living room. Everyone except Gator which is ok. I play music that evokes my emotions and normally unfortunately the theme is sadness and regret and of course love.

I have these nightmares where I die and it has rested on my mind about how it would affect my children. I know in the end all we have is memories and pictures so I try to hoard these things together as much as I can.

I’m not perfect and have made my share of mistakes, some things I’m ashamed of, others which I have no remorse for.

The music makes me get things done, even if it hurts the whole time. At least that is a feeling, it is real like blood. If I can feel it that moment perhaps I can pinpoint my place on the map and make my way out.

I wonder often if my marriage is going to last. My wife does alot despite my shortcomings and although I’ve straightened my course my thoughts still steal away.

I know I can’t steal back time but often my mind is there. I miss things from those times. I miss the lack of responsibility and how I could just marinade in the moment.

Ok, back to some tasks.

• Good night, dream deep.