Baby Haute Couture

My cousin Dorothy is having a baby boy.

This is my cousin who is like a sister. She pretty much lived with us when we were growing up. She knew she was pregnant a couple of months ago. Found out just before I went down to my hometown for a visit, but she chose not to tell me then, despite the fact that I only get back to my hometown every six months or so. In fact, I ended up hearing it through the grape-vine, and she confirmed it in a text message. I was really hurt by this – that she didn’t want to let me share her joy.

But last night she told me that she found out she was having a boy. This should told me before she told anyone else, except her partner and her mother. I’m so happy she did this, and so happy for her. I’ve been walking on air since she told me.

I no longer plan to have babies. I was there last year when my sister Tallulah had hers; my very first nephew, Gwydion. I looked into his 10-minute old eyes and felt a love so fierce I could hardly breathe. I was there for the first few weeks of his life, which was beautiful and scary and wonderful. I came away knowing that it wasn’t something I wanted for myself. Gwydion is amazing and I love him so very much, but I can’t imagine being able to be responsible for such a helpless being. I can’t imagine being able to give up so much of my life and instead dedicate it to someone so vulnerable. I don’t want this.

Instead, I’m going to be the eccentric, childless and (with a bit of luck) wealthy favourite aunt. These are my child-plans. And this is why I was upset when Dorothy didn’t want to tell me about her pregnancy. I am so completely for my sisters (and I consider Dorothy a sister) procreating! So I can have lots of nieces and nephews to adore and spoil! But I didn’t really think she particularly wanted me involved in her future baby’s life.

Now it’s been somewhat affirmed that she does, and now I know what gender to buy for (it’s hideous the way baby stuff is so incredibly gendered, but that’s a rant for another day) I had the perfect excuse to go baby shopping (I would have done this anyway, but I’m happier knowing that it’s going to be well-received). Which I well-and-truly did today.

The thing about Dorothy is that Label matters to her. With Tallulah, she couldn’t care if Gwydion were dressed in op-shop duds, as long as he’s warm and happy. But Blossom cares where these things come from. So I went shopping at the High Fashion baby shops. F’me, but these are expensive! Seriously, who spends that much on something that’s gonna get vomitted on, shat on and grown out of in 3 months?? I didn’t buy anything from the truly Haute Couture baby boutiques (because those are just insane), but from the next step down. And then it seemed unfair that Dorothy’s unborn child was getting the best clothes money can buy, but not Gwydion, so I had to buy stuff for him, too.

I wound up spending more on baby clothes today than I’ve spent on clothes for myself in the last couple of months! Ok, that’s not literally true, but close to it.

But it makes me happy that I can do this. And truly my little nephews will be the best-dressed babies in their playgroups.