The Accidental Tantrika (R18)

I accidentally had Tantric sex today. I may be the only person on Earth who can accidentally have Tantric sex. You see, there was this client who was taking absolutely ages to come and I was trying all my usual tricks to get him there. And apparently one of my tricks is a Tantric technique (the “PC Pump”. Look it up, I’m not explaining). My client, unbeknownst to me, was an expert in Tantra, and he was very impressed. He starting going into all these Tantric positions and doing Tantric breathing. The whole she-bang (so to speak). BUT! One of the major points of Tantra is to delay ejaculation, so it all back-fired on me (once again, so to speak). He ended up taking well over his allotted time and I was getting a bit panicked cos I had another client due. So, in the end, I smiled sweetly and said, “Are you gonna come for me?” My client said, “oh, you’re ready for me to come now?” And just like that, he did. If only I’d known from the start that it was that simple.

This is too much information, but by this stage I was super-tired and just a little tender, to put it delicately. I was hoping deeply that my next client wouldn’t show, and at 15 minutes past his due-time it looked like my prayers would be answered. I was getting changed when I heard a knock on the door.

Here is some advice: if you want a really good time with a hooker, DO NOT book her last thing on a Friday! Usually, I am an active, responsive hooker. But for this poor guy, I was a “lie-back-and-think-of-Englander” of the worst degree. Actually, I was lying back and thinking of how much exactly I’d earned this week. Such a hooker thing to do!

*

Delores and I have gone out on our own. It used to be that Poppy ran the house and (theoretically) answered the phone and the door and did the cleaning and all that, in exchange for which we gave her a hefty cut of our earnings. Actually, what mostly happened is that Delores and I answered the phone and the door and did the cleaning, and we had to give Poppy a hefty cut of our earnings anyway. Now Delores and I have our own place (and such a beautiful place it is! Polished wooden floorboards, chandeliers and a huge backyard with a trampoline! That’s not much of a plus for a bordello, but it’s fun for me!) and we keep all of our earnings. Already it’s making such an enormous difference! In the past two days alone, the amount that I previously would have had to give to Poppy is enough to cover rent and all my other expenses for the week!