Arguing with Men about Condoms

Today there was a small piece in the local newspapers about hookers spreading HIV. I was so entirely frustrated because it was implying that the hookers alone were responsible for the men contracting the virus and painted the men as victims in the situation (this, incidentally, on the basis of two men who contracted HIV from visiting hookers). Now, I ABSOLUTELY believe that hookers have a responsibility to practise safe sex at all times. But equally men have a responsibility to practise safe sex with hookers, and, moreover, to respect sex workers’ boundaries on safe-sex. At least a couple of times a week a client will ask me to have sex with him without using a condom. The thing I truly hate the most about my job is arguing with these men (and they all argue). This entry is dedicated to them.

I am galled that you even ask this. This is the 21st Century, right? I’d hope that you’d a few clues by now. But you never seem to take “No” for a final answer. Not even a, “No, absolutely not, this is not open for discussion, never ever, not in a billion years.” You all argue the point. You all, almost without exception, insist and swear that you are clean. Some of you even point out your freshly laundered clothes and neatly groomed hair to “prove” this point. You say I should be able to tell just by looking at them that you aren’t carrying anything.

OK, you’re shitting me, right? I don’t know where you come from that you still believe that HIV+ people are identifiable by… I don’t even know! Their scruffy clothes or something. Or maybe you still believe that people with AIDS are skeletons covered in telltale lesions. This is not even mentioning the myriad of other diseases which can have no outward signs, and which may in fact be completely asymptomatic. You can carry Chlamydia, for instance, and never show any sign of it. You are either unbelievably stupid, or think that I am unbelievably stupid. Which irritates me, because it shows such a complete lack of respect.

Besides, if I believed that every one of you who comes to see me with tidy clothes and clean hair was “clean” I’d surely pick up something pretty damned quickly. How can you not comprehend that if I’m going to shag you without a condom, I’m probably going to shag dozens of other men without a condom? And that every single one of these men can’t be as clean as they insist they are? Or are you so self-involved that you think that I’ll make an exception just for you?

When your “But I’m clean” argument fails, you will try one of two other tangents. You will say, “But the last hooker I went to see was happy to not use a condom.” I can only hope that these are mostly lies and that there are not that many working girls out there stupid or self-destructive enough to not be using condoms with clients (I hear this line a lot). But as arguments for getting me to take the condom off go, this is so incredibly unconvincing. You’re telling me that you’ve been having unprotected sex with other prostitutes who, if they’re having unprotected sex with you, are probably having unprotected sex with all their clients? And you think this is going make me want to have unprotected sex with you? Just take out a gun and shoot me now. At least it’ll be over quickly and you’ll actually get charged with my murder.

Or the other last resort – “But the only other woman I’ve had sex with for the last 5/10/45 years is my wife.” This pisses me off more than the other excuses. Besides being almost certainly a lie, you’re willing to risk not only your own health, but the health of your spouse. She has absolutely no say in your visiting a hooker and she had absolutely no say in your choice to not practise safe sex, but you bet she’ll bear the consequences of your actions. What a fucking asshole you are.