eight years later

Rachel,

It has been a year since my last entry and it was addressed to you after your seventh anniversary. Before today I have told myself on your eight anniversary, I would pick up on my writing and let go like I used to. The last year has been unlike any other. This will be my reasoning for lack of writing especially seeing as you’re the one person that has [inadvertently] inspired me to write to cop with life. So here it goes…

I had a baby. Gavin Christopher Mullins. Born April 27th, 2012. Perfect and healthy. The proudest moment of my life

I bought a house. The second proudest moment of my life.

I am getting married. My final step towards beginning a family.

When I look back on a memory we’ve shared, I am instantly transported back to the Art room our senior year looking face to face as we draw each other. I see your white button down shirt, hair put up in the perfect mess, glowing smile and those bright eyes. It’s the fondest memory I have of you and one I will never lose.

I see your brother now and again. I can see you in his face and that little bit of emptiness his face holds makes me want to throw my arms around him. Don’t worry I’m not going to creep your brother our with a hug, but I feel his silent pain. The affects you have on others is withstanding and resides sadly in a pocket of all our hearts.

Rachel, I will start writing again even when life seems too chaotic. If it’s a way to talk to you and thank you for the memories, I want to do it.

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I miss you my angel.

Love,

Chris