playing with pride

A couple of weeks ago a Senior Special Agent for the U.S. Department of State Foreign Service agency asked me, "have you ever written before?" This man, an oversized, stern and intimidating Morgan Freeman look alike, was the person guiding me through the four phase Special Agent test I was taking at this time. Part of the test was my ability to write a three page essay from one of six topics in 45 minutes. The writing portion was to test my ability to form proper sentences, use correct grammar and punctuation, and answer the topic in an articulate manner. Given my background in writing and my enjoyment of it, I was embarrassed by this question. I failed the Special Agent test because of the essay I wrote. The disappointment that overcame me was immense and I couldn’t help but question my writing skills. 

I don’t believe I am an excellent writer or a praiseworthy author. I was, however, under the impression I was at least satisfactory in this subject. Perhaps the reason I write with a high sense of desire and pride is because writing calms me. For a rather level headed person, I still seek the small pleasures such an easy form of art like writing offer me. There were defining moments in my life where I needed writing and because of these moments, I have been able to express myself in a more reasonable and rational way. Writing is my momentary lull in a world of uninterrupted clutter. I have used writing as my outlet to avenge the heartaches life has sometimes bestowed upon me.

I was offended when I was told I failed the writing part of this exam. It was a slap in the face and a humbling one at best. Wake up Chris life isn’t ice cream and gummy bears…Ha I know that, don’t worry. Nonetheless, when you take away someone’s pride in whatever capacity that may be, you’re putting a damper on their potential. Most criticisms I receive help me when I trust the source criticizing. I did trust the source in this case so I guess I’m not as strong as I thought I was. Oh well, I’ll keep writing … for my pride’s sake and my potential’s.