Time After Time

     Sitting on the couch, the clock ticks, and I think of you. Discomforting feelings whirl upon me, the vast grip of what’s next squeezing my insides. My head twitches, I knock back and forth the anxiety that settles around me. Cold feet perched on the table, arched back molded into my seat, the darkness outside continues to fall. I feel alone as ever, yet accompanied at the same time. A flame throwing impulse to ignite what the next day will bring scorches my insides. Jobless, yet mildly content, I seek the hobbies that have withstood me through time and distance. Stomach growls and my jog of water depletes, the impending snow storm only elevating my uneasiness during this state of solidarity. Trapped in this empty house will only darken these intricate matters. Hands steady, I turn my head, the picture is fading. An image, a moment, a place in time that once existed is turning grey. This darkened image is now a memory only to be superseded by a new one. Time after time, as Cindy Lauper one time sung, are moments that equate to time, only to be faded as a new time consumes the former. "I turn, my picture fades, and darkness has turned to grey. Watching through windows, you’re wondering if I’m okay. Secrets, stolen, from deep inside, the drum beats out of time…"
     Time after time, I weed through the memories resting safely in my head that are awoken by my curiosity. My curiosity disrupts the order of life, which is moving forward while learning from the past that shapes us. I feel the magic between the time of my past and time of my present. Time after time I may awaken some of these old places, people and things I have encountered in my life. I may watch as new ones fade and drift into the unfazed ones that are yet to be tampered with. I have the hungry eyes, yet with little patience, to wait for a new place I have yet to encounter. "I’ve been looking too hard, I’ve waited too long, Sometimes I don’t know what I will find, I only know it’s a matter of time…It feels so right, so warm and true (-Foreigner)."
    Plastered to time as I move along with it, I feel the paint of my life thinning, the smooth finish look a close tangibility, and the oily aluminum smell alerting me of impending trouble soon settled. Time after time, I will continue the search for an answer…