Running

Between all the thinking, questioning, observing, and weighing out scenarios, I think the conclusion about myself I’ve reached seems fitting. Not just fitting, but painfully accurate. It’s painful because love hurts, and what hurts even more, is the stress of not knowing what you want. However, when you finally discover what you want, as I have many times, the fear of settling is more terrifying than anything. Why is this? Why when I feel comfortable and sure that what I have is better than anything else, I run away from it and jeopordize it. The conclusion I’ve reached is that I am scared of love, scared of being with one person that can complete me so as a result I run. I run fast and I run far. I’ve run to the open arms of other women, to the open legs of promiscuous desires, and to the openness love and feelings entertain me with…

I’m not going out with her, therefore, this isn’t wrong…

We’re not official, therefore, I can do this without hurting her…

I love her so much, but, right now, I’m starting to like her since her and I aren’t solid.

The defined rigidity of my love life is so constricted that I seek comfort in the advice and love of other women who openly show it off to me. Most guys would say "you’re lucky," but with a devastatingly confused mind like mine, this just seems to ordinary to settle. So maybe I can’t just YET…