The 2 sides of Love

     I often have so much in my head to say, but lack the capacity to fully elaborate on what I‘m thinking. Lately, I have been quietly and internally dissecting the comparison of two different lives, one without love, the other with. That world without love is essentially a separate life detached from a world in which one may by loved by another. The other world has the emotions and influence of another, which often shape the way one lives his life. In my own life, the powerful expressions of love are from a woman I love and would do anything for. Although, in considering the former, I undoubtedly look at the other side. I believe it’s acceptable to be fearful of that life where love is present, however, it can often be destructive when the easier road is the one in which someone gets hurt. It‘s this world without that genuine love that you become who you may want to be, but can‘t, or curiously envision being, but are too scared to try. One moment I am encompassed by the love of this woman who has sacrificed so much for me and become caught up in the power of that love. The other moment, when I am separated by physical and emotional distance from this person, my desires become more selfish, more superficial and insincere, and less truthful. These desires could be of another woman who may be momentarily fulfilling, but lack the longevity of any genuine meaningfulness. As I put these factors into perspective, I tend to also include my age (22), which seems to be a legitimate excuse for my actions.

     It may be my need for independence that drives me away from the world where love can be so rewarding. I don’t believe it’s that I will feel trapped by love, but it’s more of a feeling of immaturity about love that I haven’t quite conquered yet. In order to fully appreciate love, perhaps I first need to let go of that world where love is only substituted by promiscuous desires and other trivial pursuits. Am I ready? Can I feel satisfied in living with the love I need while living a separate life where that love can’t be tampered with? I’d like to hope so, but that can only be possible if I give love a chance…