a broken heart

     I miss the times in elementary school we would walk through the church parking lot, cut through the woods, and arrive at our house to get greeted by our mom. I miss the times we would throw on all our snow gear, sleds in hand, and hike up the hill to go sledding during the winter storms. I miss so many things, so many memories, so many moments in our two lives that connected us as brothers, but what I miss most of all is the brother I know you are. I thought I knew where your life turned, where it forked one way when you were supposed to keep going the same way. It doesn’t matter what happened or what caused this, but I know you can beat this Greg- we come from a strong family of fighters, despite the personal and mental demons we’ve all faced…

     I now see what is most reprehensible for your decision to turn to drugs, to alcohol, to everything that can escape your mind from reminding itself of what you no longer have- you’re suffering from a broken heart. I understand what a broken heart means and how it comes about, but now I truly can see the pain and agony it has caused you. You had a full lasting and fulfilling relationship with the girl you love and who loves you back. You took it to the next level each month, followed by years, you two continued. Through ups and downs I’ve seen you mend your heart when the seams were nearly broken, but now that they are, now that you two are finished, the remainder has left you unguarded and vulnerable to the heredatary demons of our family.

     When I describe you to friends, I tell them you’re an intense person, a brilliant person, a guy with a settled future and extremely high goals doused in motivation. You will make it far Greg and you will live your dreams like you want. First, however, you need to jump these hurdles on your life track and dodge what will inevitably keep you away from conquering these expectations.

     When mom told me over the phone that the lady checking you in at the Detox institute wished you a happy birthday today followed by saying "this is the best present you could ever give yourself," she burst out in tears. I did the same exact thing, but the ladies right and you were so brave to let your guard down and get yourself help. I love you so much Greg- no matter who you are…