turn around bright eyes

"Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you never come around…"

     I have thought so much over the last couple weeks about the importance of love in my life and all the strings attached to such a proverbial sentiment. It has shown me the attitudes powerfully generated by jealousy, the lustfulness of heated passion, the spontaneity of newly discovered desires, and the dynamics of the ever changing mind morphed so easily by love. What have I discovered through my experience with these recognitions?

     I have unleashed an envied talent of myself that developed through time gifting me the luck of the opposite sex. It has shown me the way to please myself, though not always my…self. Although the uniqueness of my…self has now been triumphed through battles this past summer, I can dimly foresee a road ahead aware of the impediments I need to avoid. I have discovered the extend to which some people will wholeheartedly expose their vulnerabilities only to regret their openness by serving me back a sturdy stroke of spite. Recently, upon realizing these gifts, I have exposed my own deep seated desires that have emerged when the time was right to let myself go. And boy have I let go…

     I have proven to myself and my..self my ability to get what I want by my words, by my sometimes selfish motives, by my kindness, my harsh sarcasm, as well as my keen sense of expertise in the opposite sex. Haughty this may sound, but truthfulness is ringing too clearly and too evidently in my now over zealous ears.

     Was it smart of me to let go of the person that I was told was my counterpart? I believe there isn’t an answer or a justification to this question, only a feeling of luck that I need to grasp in order to dodge the consequences of such a decision. The man who said I rather be lucky than good saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great apart of life is dependent on luck. It’s scary to think so much is out of ones control. Only my…self can understand this the best. Myself, well, he can wait…

     I started this entry using a quote from the song, "A Total Eclipse of the Heart," and now I know why. As I turn around every day to see what’s behind me I may feel lonely, I may feel a little bit nervous that all the best of all the years have gone by, and every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes. And it will be my devoid promise to continue asserting my decisions based off the look in the eyes of those I fall for. So now, turn around bright eyes because every now and then I fall apart and I need you more than ever. Let me hope that whoever I need, if that is ever anyone but my..self, can turn around with me…