Guided by the waves

     Two days ago I planned on writing an entry, or maybe just writing anything for the purpose of therapy, that was in sequence with the waves. To clarify this bizarre statement, what I wanted to do was write as graceful and as smooth as the waves I was admiring sitting in the 3rd floor of the library that overlooks the Hudson River. This river used to actually serve a purpose for me instead of a pretty view, it was the river I rowed on. However, now, I utilize this massive body of water for internal purposes. It seems to gather in its center ideas that spark in my head upon admiration, upon what may be a stressful day seized by the strong currents of this free flowing river. It challenges me when I contemplate its beauty, it amazes me further when I watch how it dances- how it gathers all the rays of sunlight to its surface for one huge masquerade.

     Today was different. As I sat alone before this enormous river, I wanted to ask it what to write. What did it give me? Nothing. ..Nothing? As empty as a gift this is, I never take for granted nothing- nothing can symbolize so much more. It can represent the end of something big, the start of something new, or the dullness of a moment. Today the waves, or lack there of, decided to take on a more scattered, more immobile quiver that could only be described as dull. There weren’t any radiant gleams of sun reflecting off the surface, no uniqueness to the waves besides the uniqueness of its monotony, no extraordinary peculiararities that are normally painted so clearly before me. Today the river wasn’t only not speaking to me, or generating the thoughts that tend to penetrate my profound chaotically-thought-bouncing-mind, but rather the river was declaring the end of something for me.

     How frightfully nerveracking, yet temptuously invigorating such a feeling was. The only problem was; what was this the end of and how sure could I be of this judging by a body of water? Though I might not exactly know what this end is or how it will come to me, I know in my heart that today may be the concluding paragraph in a longly written chapter in my life.

     The feelings of this chapter may have started before my depature to another country last year, yet the burden of these feelings that have spoiled my return may soon end. I wouldn’t even call them feelings, they may just be new discoveries not yet discovered.

     The warm breeze, the guttural croaking sounds of the birds overhead, the boats passing by, if this isn’t the indication of a longly anticipated summer’s start, than I don’t know what is. I have not enjoyed myself in the many months since my return from Spain, I didn’t like this semester, and I’m gratefully happy to say it’s almost over. Now, I can only hope that the stresses and worries that envade my life here will be washed out to sea by this upcoming summers waves. Let the waves be my new start and the let the currents take me to where I need to be…or where I belong.Let them show me what matters in life and who matters to me. I know who these people and where these places are, they’re just not here. 

Summer 07 here I come…