Exhaustion

I’m getting tired of always saying that I’m tired. I’m going to take it as a good sign but these last two weeks I have felt almost perpetually exhausted. This makes it extremely difficult to not just drink whole pots of coffee. I gave the dogs a bath earlier and it pretty much did me in for the day. I didn’t have the energy to do anything else. I’d be perfectly happy staying in bed all day long if I could get away with it. Last week sometime I tried a walk on my lunch break (having read that adding a little jaunt to your day can help keep your energy up) and that was enough to knock me out for the whole rest of the afternoon. It was an endeavor I did not attempt a second time.

My intermittent nausea has mostly dissipated. I’ve not been actively sick, just very near to running to a bathroom a few times but not even that in about a week. So other than tired, I feel pretty normal. Even the initial run of cramps has stopped. I’m trying hard to not be worried. Last time definitely taught me that worrying is pointless. Another week and a half and we’ll know if we have a heartbeat or not. Till then I’m keeping up with my little pregnancy regiments of avoiding what I’m supposed to and so on and otherwise just trying very hard to not think about it.

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In the rest of my life things are calm. Life with Zac is it’s usual level of comfortable happiness. I try to not think about my family often as I’m realizing it’s the only way I can really deal with them. Sad but whatever.

Work has calmed down in some ways. It’s as busy as usual but my feelings about it have evolved some. I don’t resent it like I did right after the miscarriage. I’m back to just being neutral and going through the motions.

I miss being productive. The tiredness has sucked the desire out of me to do anything but read and rest. It’s pretty much all I do when I can get away with it. Even homework feels too taxing though I’m still keeping up with it albeit reluctantly.

I wish I had more to say but there’s just nothing. I’m worn out and easily overtaxed so life is pretty boring currently. Some times boring is good. I enjoyed November though if for no other reason than I really enjoy reading the posts of those who write every day. I’ll miss that.