Waah

 

I’m so pouty and whiny and just WAAAHHH.

I’m not tired so much as consumed by laziness. I hate to call it fatigue because that’s not exactly it. Do you ever come home from a busy day and even though you may not be physically tired you just feel worn down by all the activity? Do you every just lay down in the bed or on the couch on those days and just say "fuck it" to the laundry and the dishes and all the thousands of things that you do on a daily basis that make domestic life manageable and pleasant?

That’s how I feel pretty much every day. I’m so tired and sleepy of the mornings from not being able to sleep at night. I wake up over and over so that even when I have 8 or 9 hours to sleep I wake up feeling like I barely closed my eyes. I think what makes it harder is that there’s just no reason for it. I don’t have to pee. I’m not sick. I just wake up and there I am looking at the clock at 2, then 3, then 4. Sometimes I go to the bathroom just because I’m awake and I figure I’ll get it over with so it doesn’t wake me up later….but I wake up later anyway. 

And I can’t seem to nap. I lay down on the couch when I get home but I can’t doze off. I try napping on lunch at work but I can’t doze there either. So I end up just…tired and feeling like I need to conserve as much energy as possible by just laying as still as possible whenever I can get away with it…which fortunately is fairly often.

But this seriously cannot continue. I have to find some energy from some place. I have way too much to do in the next few weeks. That’s really my only symptom still. I have an occasional wave of nausea or just a general feeling of queasiness but they’re infrequent. I have a small cramp or two most days. My breast soreness is gone but they are still bigger than they were. Or not bigger so much as more full.

My first appointment is a week from tomorrow and I realize that the closer it gets the calmer I get. It’s like…one way or the other I’ll have some sort of confirmation of things then. I’m going to call the office on Friday to ask for a run down of what all they’re going to do so I won’t have any surprises or disappointments.

I’m on the birth month club for March on Babycenter. I know some of those women are drama queens but the stories on there are disturbing sometimes. Then again I want to smack some of them for not saying something to their providers. There was a girl who went in for her first visit and the doctor couldn’t find the heartbeat on the doppler. Instead of following up with an ultrasound he told her not to worry about it and scheduled her next appointment for a month out. A month? A month to not know for sure that there’s a heartbeat there? Why wouldn’t you say something about that? I’d go mental. I know they can’t do ultrasounds willy nilly but why not the following week just for some peace of mind?

 

This is a pretty pointless entry. I just realized it had been awhile since I’d written here. I’ve had short stories due every week for the past 7 weeks and that makes it difficult to feel like writing much else.

Work is good. Zac is good. Family is not but I find myself grateful that they aren’t calling as much. I hope that means less is happening but it could also mean that they’re sick of me harping. 

You know the tired wouldn’t be so bad if I could just start chugging five hour energy drinks or something. I’m so glad I weaned myself off caffeine before I got pregnant. I can’t imagine how bad it would be if I hadn’t. Kicking that habit always leaves me exhausted until my body gets used to function without it. Sad.

/end ramble