Procrastination
It always leads me here. I need to write something but I don’t feel like writing the thing I’m supposed to be writing so instead I’ll write here. Makes perfect sense.
Had a 3rd HCG test yesterday. My doc was concerned after the one I had to confirm the pregnancy because my numbers were so low. I was but I wasn’t. I knew it was crazy early. My period wasn’t even late yet. So two tests later we know that every thing is doubling right on time. I relax a little more every day but this nagging worry hangs in the background, especially in the mornings because I feel like nothing happens till near lunch time.
Near lunch I get slightly nauseous and by then I’ve had a little cramp or two: all reassuring little reminders that things are still happening even if they aren’t occurring on a grand scale. My appointment with the midwife isn’t for another month. It’s my focal point for now. If I can manage the worry till then knowing that I’ll have something more substantial to calm me after that (hopefully).
I’m currently choking down a smoothie I don’t want because I know I need breakfast and I was dreadful about making sure I got protein yesterday. Bleh. I’ve went overboard with my eating but it’s tapering off. Going from a restricted calorie diet to being able to eat just about anything is an overwhelmingly awesome feeling. I’m keeping a moderate watch on my calories since I know I balloon up if I don’t which isn’t healthy for either of us but I could scale it back a bit more. I’m probably eating an extra 100 or 200 calories a day more than I (we) need most days. I’m going to attempt a bike ride in a little while, too. That’ll make me feel better about it.
I don’t have anything significant to contribute here today.
My mom has moved my uncle into the trailer she has next to my grandmother’s house. Because that’s totally a good idea. /eyeroll
He’s losing his house because they haven’t made a house payment in two years. Mom jumps in as the rescuer. I think some drowning would do him good. She at least should have let him bob for a little while. His middle daughter is the one that robbed the bank, or was party to the bank robbery. I don’t think she actually went inside. His oldest daughter is the one that went to "visit" my grandmother last year. The house was swarming with bounty hunters in the middle of the night because she had jumped bail after telling all of us that she had gotten off with probation.
They’re a mess.
He’s in liver failure from being an alcoholic. His wife is in a rehab facility because she has Guilian-Barre Syndrome. I’m heartless apparently because I don’t have one drop of sympathy for any of them. My mother has just added two more invalids to her list of wards. I think she sees it as a good thing since at least my uncle is able to take care of my other uncle and grandmother so Mom can have an occasional break. He’s not as helpless as the others.
Again, the word ‘mess’ comes to mind.
I haven’t done my homework from the therapist yet. I’m procrastinating it, too. I’m not sure I want to go back. The looming medical expenses we’re about to have is weighing on me. I already cancelled my appointments with the psych nurse and stopped taking the anxiety meds. One of them was deemed safe but I’m paranoid that way. I don’t trust it. I haven’t noticed much of a difference without it which I think says a lot. I was very irritable for a week or so after I stopped it but otherwise every thing felt the same. It’s been a week and a half and there’s no increase in my anxiety level. So what was it doing in the first place?
I’m not sleeping as well anymore. The girls at work seem to think that is pregnancy related. They both said the same thing happened to them: Kept waking up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason then struggled to get back to sleep. Sometimes I wake up because I have to pee but I’ve been cutting myself off from liquids after 6 or 7 and that’s helped. Now I just wake up and stare at the ceiling till I can force myself asleep again.
I know this is an abrupt ending but I really can’t think of anything else to add to this.
Ciao.
I was never able to sleep when I was pregnant. Glad things seem to be going well for you. Such an exciting time 🙂
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I had MAJOR sleep issues, from the very get go. Happy to see that things are going well. 🙂
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“Morning” sickness is just a myth. The majority of the time, it occurs later in the day and lasts ALL day. That’s exactly how mine was. Don’t worry that you’re not nauseated early in the morning. That’s not a warning sign. Some women don’t experience nausea at all. Keep a daily food chart of what you eat and when. It’ll help keep you on track and show if you missed your fruit that day, etc.
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As I said in a previous update entry, my appetite has not really changed.. and I’m 4 months. I haven’t felt ravenous and insatiably hungry. Don’t go drastically changing your diet, unless you ate like absolute shit before. Protein is the big thing. Have some eggs in the morning. They’re chalk full of it. It helps with your energy and cognitive skills.. no, seriously. It’s wondrous.
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For the first, oh, 2 1/2 months, I couldn’t drink water. It gave me serious heartburn. I wanted it so badly though and I’m so glad to be passed that stage now. I can drink it freely. Water is another HUGE thing. You’ll probably start to experience bowel changes and constipation here soon. Get used to it. Ugh. Drinking plenty of water actually helps, as does movement and walking.
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Fiber helps, too, of course, but that’s sometimes easier said than done. I’m trying to think of some key things I’ve experienced thus far. Don’t deprive yourself, either. If you want chocolate, eat it. If you want caffeine, drink it. You can have up to 200mg a day… that’s about 4 cans of Pepsi, aka a lot. I’m not sure about the amount in coffee or tea though.
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My sleep cycle has always been crazy like that, but it has been affected by the pregnancy, too. In the early months, I slept constantly. I’m talking upwards of 12 hours each day. (Luckily, I was able to do so.) If that happens, don’t fight it. It’s your body working wonders and you need that sleep. There’s also pregnancy insomnia, too, which I think I’m feeling touches of now.
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(cont) On top of my regularly shitty sleep schedule. It sounds like maybe you are feeling some of it, too. I’ve always woken up 2 or 3 times a night to pee, before I was pregnant. The times have increased now, of course, which sucks because we live in the basement and I have to go upstairs. I have always had this thing, after taking med classes and my grandma having surgery, I will NEVER
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force myself to hold in my pee. If I feel the slightest bit of urge to go, I make sure I do so. It is imperative. If you continuously hold it in throughout your life, it can cause irreparable damages and necessitate the need for surgery (like my grandma). It’s even more important now that you’re pregnant. If you hold it in, it’s going to hurt and feel like cramps or intense gas bubbles.
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Sorry for the many notes. I’m not OD+ anymore and I had a lot to say. It’s the first time I’ve been able to give helpful advice to someone else about being pregnant. =)
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As for your family, I’d feel the exact same way you do. I’ve had my fair share of… messiness… in my family as well. Sometimes you just have to stop caring in order to protect your own health and well-being. You’re not heartless; you’re smart.
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My TA at school told me the time you wake up every night will be the time your baby is born. That was right for my son’s birth anyway…
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