Big News!!!**

I’ve been so down lately. Yesterday I was completely lethargic. I couldn’t make myself do anything but play video games and even that was lackluster. I was so sad about this two week wait. I’ve had no weird symptoms and my period is due Friday. I didn’t even take my prenatal vitamin last night. I just laid down at 9pm just hoping sleep would make me feel, if not better, at least oblivious.

I felt the same today. At lunch I obsessively looked for info on my phone (BBT temps, ect). Finally, I just said "fuck it" and peed on a test I had in my purse. (Yes, I am to that level of crazy that I just carry them around in my purse.) I was texting a friend I have from OD whose husband also had a reversal. Told her about my crazy and that I was to the point of just wanting my period to start so it would be over.

Pissed on my stick. Texted. Picked up the stick. Sat it back down. Quickly picked it up again and COULDN’T BELIEVE WHAT I SAW! There were TWO LINES! One was faint but it was definitely there. I started crying and shaking. I was so happy and emotional that I was just overwhelmed. I sat there till I calmed down and kept staring at it.

Once I had myself together I walked over to work and collapsed into my supervisor’s chair (she’s becoming the closest thing to a friend I have in Utah). I couldn’t help but tell her. She cried. I cried again. She ended up telling me just to go home because I was going to be useless there. I didn’t want to tell Zac through the phone or text so I went to hallmark and got a little gift bag and a card. Came home and peed on two more sticks just to be sure. (Positive!) I put the digital one in the gift bag (nothing says love like a peed on present!) and waited. He had stopped at a thrift store on the way home so it felt like an eternity before he got here. 

When he finally did there was lots of hugging, kissing and smiling.

My battery is about to die so I’m going to sum up fast.

Went to the lab to have a blood draw (because I need reassurance), went to Toys R Us because I felt compelled to commemorate the moment with something more tangible and cuddly than a stick. (We bought a stuffed snowy owl that looks like Hedwig). Then came home and have been in a state of shock ever since.

I will always remember that my first words upon finding out I was pregnant were "OMFG".

**

Thank you so much for all your notes! I know some of you have been with me for ages so this had to feel like quite the journey to you as well. (Least it does for me when one of my faves goes through something major.)

My blood work came back POSITIVE of course but it was really low. My doc was a little concerned but I’m not. Seriously, my period isn’t even late yet. I’m not sure she knew how soon it was that we were testing here. She wants to retest me on Friday to make sure it has doubled sufficiently and again in 2-3 weeks. I’m great with that.

I’m slightly worried but have resolved to hope for the best without thinking of the worst. I just know so many people on the reversal forum that have had chemical pregnancies and very early miscarriages. But I want to enjoy this journey dammit. Even if I don’t get to enjoy it to completion for some reason, I want to absorb and relish in the now.